I have been feeling low for a while, since mid-July till now...
I guess I know why, but I refused to acknowledge it...
Since I am the lowest at the list, so why should I make it my top priority?
Seems holy but actually just filled with arrogance and uselessness... All empty talks and cowardice thoughts...
It is just an endless whirlpool of deceptions.
Chubby Face
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Hidden secrets (Part 1)
You know you are old... ... when your primary school classmates re-surfaced after eon years.
You know you are old... ... when all the bitter memories overwhelmed you when you try to recall them.
You know you are old... ... when you hope that the past mischiefs laid hidden in the closet.
I never really enjoy my first schooling experience: that painful period lasted a good whole 6 years. I was an awkward kid with lots of hidden secrets and heavy burdens. I was old for my age, and I was an outcast, be it socially or academically.
I was unhappy.
I know that it was never anyone's fault that I have been forced to grow up quickly. Because of that, I understand human behaviour much earlier than my peers, I lost faith in others, I learnt not to trust anyone, and I have my reservations towards all good happenings. I grew up ruminating in dark corners.
Kids are the most innocent beings, and they could be easily mould by adults. The stark contrast: I grew up pessimistically, while other grew up arrogant and confident. They were mean with their words, and I could still remember the exact words. That smirked face. That jeered tone.
To that classmate whom I remember as an accomplished B_tCh at a tender age of 10 years old;
Why am I inferior to you?
What gave you the rights to torment me with your arrogance?
Who the hell do you think you are to inflict me with such pain?
How dare you try to influence my peers to look at me the same way you did?
Just because I was poor, I was slow in learning, and I was ugly compared to you?
To that teacher whom I still can remember how the "snake brand power" smelled on her shrivelled hands;
Just because the whole class lost the fund-raising due to my meagre donation?
Just because my mother doesn't speak english?
Just because I am not as bootlicking as those kids who knows how to suck up at you?
You failed as a teacher.
I went to bed with quiet tears, and unspoken fears.
I grew up mis-understood.
All those years, my mother thought I was a problem child, rebellious and filled with anger. I was always screamed at for causing problems in school. I never told my mother the truth, for the truth will break her. I am the inconsiderate, bad daughter.
The past is back to haunt me, and I realised I had never let go... I just pretended all these never exist.
My wounds are hurting once more, those thorns that I had buried deep within me has tear through my flesh.
You know you are old... ... when all the bitter memories overwhelmed you when you try to recall them.
You know you are old... ... when you hope that the past mischiefs laid hidden in the closet.
I never really enjoy my first schooling experience: that painful period lasted a good whole 6 years. I was an awkward kid with lots of hidden secrets and heavy burdens. I was old for my age, and I was an outcast, be it socially or academically.
I was unhappy.
I know that it was never anyone's fault that I have been forced to grow up quickly. Because of that, I understand human behaviour much earlier than my peers, I lost faith in others, I learnt not to trust anyone, and I have my reservations towards all good happenings. I grew up ruminating in dark corners.
Kids are the most innocent beings, and they could be easily mould by adults. The stark contrast: I grew up pessimistically, while other grew up arrogant and confident. They were mean with their words, and I could still remember the exact words. That smirked face. That jeered tone.
To that classmate whom I remember as an accomplished B_tCh at a tender age of 10 years old;
Why am I inferior to you?
What gave you the rights to torment me with your arrogance?
Who the hell do you think you are to inflict me with such pain?
How dare you try to influence my peers to look at me the same way you did?
Just because I was poor, I was slow in learning, and I was ugly compared to you?
To that teacher whom I still can remember how the "snake brand power" smelled on her shrivelled hands;
Just because the whole class lost the fund-raising due to my meagre donation?
Just because my mother doesn't speak english?
Just because I am not as bootlicking as those kids who knows how to suck up at you?
You failed as a teacher.
I went to bed with quiet tears, and unspoken fears.
I grew up mis-understood.
All those years, my mother thought I was a problem child, rebellious and filled with anger. I was always screamed at for causing problems in school. I never told my mother the truth, for the truth will break her. I am the inconsiderate, bad daughter.
The past is back to haunt me, and I realised I had never let go... I just pretended all these never exist.
My wounds are hurting once more, those thorns that I had buried deep within me has tear through my flesh.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Axeman
Just as I pray that work-life has resumed peacefulness, I was wrong. I had been through an eventful May, and a laborious June. With the temporary manpower allocation, I thought I can finally shift my focus back to managerial work for the month of July.
Yes, I am losing my precious sleep again.
When I finally gotten rid of a pest in May, the same breed started its infestation again. Never in my 5 years of managerial life have I seen someone so full of excuses, and full of lame dramas. To set the records right, I very much hated soap dramas, so could you please bring your props and stage elsewhere (thank you very much!).
Those who know me well, would have realised that I have no strong likes for anything but if I do expressed my utmost dislike, it must have irk me thoroughly.
Firstly, let's not confuse me as your surrogate mother. Much as I sympathise towards your plight, I am still your boss. I have exhausted my personal and corporate means to help you out, and I have run out of patience for you.
Secondly, this is my career that you are gambling with. Stop lying, and making up excuses to cover up for your tardiness! When you are paid with a salary, unexcused absences are just plain unacceptable.
Thirdly, I am angry with myself. (Damn it) I am in the midst of being upset with you, and yet I am still worried that you will commit suicide. Why must you put me through such a dilemma? For professionalism sake, I need to make a rational corporate decision, and yet I am bothered about your weak will to live.
At this moment, I recalled what my ex-boss told me "a professional must do what she must do, and not do what she feels like". I shall just do what I need to do then... ...
Yes, I am losing my precious sleep again.
When I finally gotten rid of a pest in May, the same breed started its infestation again. Never in my 5 years of managerial life have I seen someone so full of excuses, and full of lame dramas. To set the records right, I very much hated soap dramas, so could you please bring your props and stage elsewhere (thank you very much!).
Those who know me well, would have realised that I have no strong likes for anything but if I do expressed my utmost dislike, it must have irk me thoroughly.
Firstly, let's not confuse me as your surrogate mother. Much as I sympathise towards your plight, I am still your boss. I have exhausted my personal and corporate means to help you out, and I have run out of patience for you.
Secondly, this is my career that you are gambling with. Stop lying, and making up excuses to cover up for your tardiness! When you are paid with a salary, unexcused absences are just plain unacceptable.
Thirdly, I am angry with myself. (Damn it) I am in the midst of being upset with you, and yet I am still worried that you will commit suicide. Why must you put me through such a dilemma? For professionalism sake, I need to make a rational corporate decision, and yet I am bothered about your weak will to live.
At this moment, I recalled what my ex-boss told me "a professional must do what she must do, and not do what she feels like". I shall just do what I need to do then... ...
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Depressing... ...
Deceased 1: 80 year old male, expired on 18 June
Deceased 2: 50 year old female, expired on 19 June
Deceased 3: 64 year old male, expired on 26 June
Deceased 2: 29 year old female, expired on 27 June
Deceased 4: 66 year old female, expired on 30 June
Deceased 5: 33 year old female, expiring...
Each of them had a story:- school principal, young medical student, a member of parliment in his native country, ex-sportsman. Some fought bravely against their disease for as long as 10 years, some fearful to make any decision and chosen to wither away. Some hang on hoping to get married and become a doctor eventually. While the others blame the consultants and the medical researchers for doing a shabby work.
Live life to the fullest. Face death courageously. Seriously, how many of us can do just that?
RIP!
Deceased 2: 50 year old female, expired on 19 June
Deceased 3: 64 year old male, expired on 26 June
Deceased 2: 29 year old female, expired on 27 June
Deceased 4: 66 year old female, expired on 30 June
Deceased 5: 33 year old female, expiring...
Each of them had a story:- school principal, young medical student, a member of parliment in his native country, ex-sportsman. Some fought bravely against their disease for as long as 10 years, some fearful to make any decision and chosen to wither away. Some hang on hoping to get married and become a doctor eventually. While the others blame the consultants and the medical researchers for doing a shabby work.
Live life to the fullest. Face death courageously. Seriously, how many of us can do just that?
RIP!
Monday, April 28, 2014
小狗的挑衅。无稽之谈
无端卷入办公室纠纷,弄得一头雾水,才发现我被灞陵了。
委屈。谁都没有义务对谁好。这我比谁都清楚。
对手是一个四十几岁的矮冬瓜,战胜癌症的大叔,仗着自己的经验欺负弱者的懦夫。里表不一,用言语挑衅同事的伪君子。在我背后下战书,却在我面前恭恭敬敬,如此下三滥的招数,我为他感到可耻。
更何况我们没有工作的往来,简直是无中生有。我最讨厌钻牛角尖,自命清高,更讨厌玩文字游戏的人。
上次的交手,我已经百般忍让,到处散播谣言说我种族歧视,连人事部经理都觉得他故意自造事端,对他的小狗心态,我已经忍耐再忍让。至少我们俩得共同老板,是站在我这边的。
挑起的敌意,我可以奉陪到底,斗败的不会是我,但又为何物?为了颜面?我处事,办事的方法,待人的手法,同事们是有目共睹的,不是他一个新人说的算!
当然接下来,我可以当面反击,也可能会直接通报总裁。
全看他的造化如何。
委屈。谁都没有义务对谁好。这我比谁都清楚。
对手是一个四十几岁的矮冬瓜,战胜癌症的大叔,仗着自己的经验欺负弱者的懦夫。里表不一,用言语挑衅同事的伪君子。在我背后下战书,却在我面前恭恭敬敬,如此下三滥的招数,我为他感到可耻。
更何况我们没有工作的往来,简直是无中生有。我最讨厌钻牛角尖,自命清高,更讨厌玩文字游戏的人。
上次的交手,我已经百般忍让,到处散播谣言说我种族歧视,连人事部经理都觉得他故意自造事端,对他的小狗心态,我已经忍耐再忍让。至少我们俩得共同老板,是站在我这边的。
挑起的敌意,我可以奉陪到底,斗败的不会是我,但又为何物?为了颜面?我处事,办事的方法,待人的手法,同事们是有目共睹的,不是他一个新人说的算!
当然接下来,我可以当面反击,也可能会直接通报总裁。
全看他的造化如何。
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Officially PwR
Today, I proudly announced to the world that I am no longer a PMT (Princess with Metal Teeth). I am now officially PwR (Princess with Retainers) for good, on 16 April 2014 at 12:35.
This is a huge milestone for me: the journey started since 7th July 2012; from the consultations with a dentist (removal of wisdom tooth) and an Orthodontics (the fixing of brackets). I have survived the 21 months by braving through the pain and discomfort.
Of course, I could have ended this torture 4 months back. But I wanted so badly to correct my front teeth mid line, hence my Orthodontics continued this journey patiently with me. Came last week when I realised that I really had no choice but to give up my pursue, because the next procedure seem unsafe and will eventually add more stress to my body. I was determined to proceed with the "metal screw" procedure: a metal screw is to be drilled into my bones, so that I can "pull" my front teeth to the left by another 1 to 2 mm.
However, this metal screw procedure only holds a 50% chance for success, it may not stay put in the bones, and I need to go through GA (General Anesthesia) for it. After consulting my primary doctor, and a few others, I have painfully decided not to proceed any further. Just like what my Orthodontics had said, "sometimes we just have to live with imperfection". He was kind enough to console me that empirical studies has shown that "only a difference of 4mm and above, then others will be able to observed the mid line is "off" the mark".
Anyway, I will have to wear my transparent retainer day and night, for 6 months. After which, I shall only wear them at night time for the rest of my life. Wearing retainers is something that I have to do religiously, if not my teeth may shift back to its original state, wasting the past 21 months' effort.
Oh well, April 16 is a day I shall remember :) Thank you, Dr. Henry Ho, for giving me something to smile for the rest of my life!
This is a huge milestone for me: the journey started since 7th July 2012; from the consultations with a dentist (removal of wisdom tooth) and an Orthodontics (the fixing of brackets). I have survived the 21 months by braving through the pain and discomfort.
Of course, I could have ended this torture 4 months back. But I wanted so badly to correct my front teeth mid line, hence my Orthodontics continued this journey patiently with me. Came last week when I realised that I really had no choice but to give up my pursue, because the next procedure seem unsafe and will eventually add more stress to my body. I was determined to proceed with the "metal screw" procedure: a metal screw is to be drilled into my bones, so that I can "pull" my front teeth to the left by another 1 to 2 mm.
However, this metal screw procedure only holds a 50% chance for success, it may not stay put in the bones, and I need to go through GA (General Anesthesia) for it. After consulting my primary doctor, and a few others, I have painfully decided not to proceed any further. Just like what my Orthodontics had said, "sometimes we just have to live with imperfection". He was kind enough to console me that empirical studies has shown that "only a difference of 4mm and above, then others will be able to observed the mid line is "off" the mark".
Anyway, I will have to wear my transparent retainer day and night, for 6 months. After which, I shall only wear them at night time for the rest of my life. Wearing retainers is something that I have to do religiously, if not my teeth may shift back to its original state, wasting the past 21 months' effort.
Oh well, April 16 is a day I shall remember :) Thank you, Dr. Henry Ho, for giving me something to smile for the rest of my life!
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Happy song
Heard this song when I was watching 'Despicable Me 2" in the theatre last year. Gru, the ex-super villain, was dancing to this song when he was basking in the air of love. It's kinda catchy and it grew on me. Took me awhile to find this song, and I super-like the lyrics. This song never fails to make me smile and I could get up from my seat and dance happily to it (Again, when no one is around me)
We each have our own definitions of "happiness", and envision them differently. Embrace that differences, and please do not insist on others to believe and to lead what you think is good for them.
Clap along with Pharrell Williams, and listen to the lyrics closely.
P.S. Make sure you enjoy the full 7 minutes ya *wiNk*
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