Acrimonious attack

Today, I'm gonna talk about Sore Loser!

First, let's define what is a "Sore Loser". This is someone who loses in a fair competition but whines about it on a constant basis, blaming everyone around them for their loss except themselves.

I was confronted by one ugly loser that looks like a life-sized gargoyle, who siphoned all the pent up frustrations on me, and evil enough to cast me a curse.

How dare you?

Before you dare point your dirty, disgustingly flabby finger at me, why don't you question yourself first?

Ask yourself!


What!


Are you actually as stupid as you looked?

If you are a worthy opponent, you wouldn't magnified your loss at the expense of hurting others.

If you are as significant as you self-proclaimed, how come nobody realised that?

If you are that indispensable, how come you are so unwelcome?

If you are so self-conscious, why so painfully blind to your own flaws?

If you are as righteous as you so unashamedly portrays, why act docile when there is a chance to voice out?

If you are so good at feigning magnanimous, what's up with all these petty miserable acts?

If you are ugly, be it externally or internally, no point pretending otherwise.

Re-evaluation is what you really need, because your self assessment clearly failed!

Pie R Squared = 3.14

Distribution of Pie. Every year we have to go through this ordeal over and over again. It is fair? That is the question we always have in our mind. Of course who wouldn't want to sink their teeth into that tantalising pie, and take the biggest bite as well. (if you still can't fathom what I'm discussing right now, you may be too young).

Every year we see ugly faces with sharp talons. You can spot the difference in attitude almost immediately. Why so? Is that the devil within us? Are you ignorant enough not to notice that jealous streak in you? Or will you be so engulf in anger that you allow yourself to wallow in defeat?

Step aside my friends. Somehow we tend to see better when we're not "so" involved? That reminds me of Sociology - Covert Observation being carried out without the explicit awareness, and agreement of the social unit being studied.

I'm no saint either, i do have infernal struggles between my prejudices and sanes. Being level headed (at least for now) allows me to try to make the best out of any worst situation. I mean, what can be worse when you already expected the worst? Always expect the best from yourself, and be gracious to others, but most of the time, we become a habitual fault finder. Honestly, i have yet to perfect that, but I'm trying my very best...

Since last year, each and everyone of us geared ourselves up for the possibilities of pay cut, or even retrenchment for the next 2 years. Just last week, MM Lee predicted that Singapore will, at best, take "two to three years" to recover from the crisis. At the worst, four to six years. Set your mentality right!

Few years back in Year 2007, when i had my first career setback, disappointment was an understatement. Being young and reckless, all sorts of unhealthy ideas came for a visit, my mentor (not MM Lee of course) encouraged me with the following "it's a race, you cannot win it all, elimination is unavoidable, have faith, work hard, believe that the day will come, and you will be a champion." (Hmm, not word for word lah, but the main idea is still there).

Momentarily stymied, what went through my mind at that time was "yeah right!". But yeah! He is (still) right! Progression can only happen when you learn how to pick up the pieces, only then you can move on (wholly) to a brand new level. Aim to move on!

I'm extremely thankful towards my mentor, and many of my friends who had seen me through that difficult period, and the current ordeal. You know who you are. No matter what's gonna happen, always be thankful and grateful, take time to say your prayers as well, cause you never know when the Great Divine will give you their blessings.

I hate it!

My hospitalisation leave ends today, and i was actually looking forward to go back to work tomorrow (Yes, you heard me right, and I'm perfectly sound in the mind). But last night, i started having fever, kept vomiting and having stomach runs after 11pm, was practically up the whole night, rushing in and out of the washroom. Thanks buddy for replying my sms at 4am ya! (You're always awake at those weird timings huh =))

Doctor diagnosed that it's actually food poisoning, and not stomach flu. He wanted to give me 2 days MC, but i insisted on resuming work tomorrow, as long as i stop having fever, no vomiting and diarrhoea, i should be fine by tomorrow.

My colleague also suffering from food poisoning as well, luckily he has no fever, but his comes with flu and sore throat. Strangely his doctor told him to avoid meat for the next few days. huh? I thought just to drink more water to avoid dehydration. In any case, who has the mood to eat?

Also, previously on 12 March, my right cheek was so swollen (that my right earlobe actually went a few inch higher than my left), my doctor told me it was Mumps (swelling of the salivary glands). The explanation offered to me is that my immune system is extremely sensitive, and since I'm on steroid, that medicine will reduce my immune system's sensitivity, but at the same time lower it's responsiveness towards common ailments. *siGh* So depressing to know of such complications.

Anyway, I slept the whole day away, and only managed to swallow a few mouthful of plain porridge. My stomach still feels bloated, like a goldfish. Time for me to sleep now, as i intend to reach office early tomorrow, to clear my emails and do some updating of work. Sweet dreams =)

23.03.09

Yesterday, i bravely ventured out alone to TTSH, i was due for my eye checkup (yes, it affected my eyes this time) in the afternoon. For this expedition, i did my homework (on the Internet of course) to check out the exact location, which direction to head over to, which bus stop to board on and alight from, etc... My parents thought i was crazy, they could have easily drove me over in just 20 mins, but hey I'm an adventurous girl! Surely i can handle a bit of exploring right?

All right, i see some (ok! a lot of) raised eyebrows. Occasionally, I'm muddle headed enough to lose my way in this small island. MRT interchange like Dhoby Ghaut and Outram Park still daunts me a little, but I'm still navigating my way all right what! Just give me some time allowance, and I'll reach there eventually.

Ok, let's not digress further. I found my way to TTSH without any hindrance, safe and sound (so proud of myself), and was early for my appointment. Dr Karen Chia was very satisfied with my recovery, and it will be sometime before i get to see her.

I was supposed to meet my friend, LF, at 5pm, and since I still have time, i headed straight down to Marina Square for a hair trim, it's been almost 3 months since my last visit in Dec'08. Felt oddly satisfying to see my hairstylist pruning away those untamed locks. By the time I'm done, i was running late. Gosh! You should have seen her face when i finally arrived fashionably late (almost) an hour later. (LF my dear, I'm sorry ya? But it's really the stupid MRT at Tanah Merah (towards Changi Airport) refused to open up).

We went shopping in Changi Airport Terminal 3, bought some hair accessories, candies, and LF bought me a Good Luck Bear, which is my all-time favourite since young, he is green and his tummy symbol is a four leaf clover with heart shaped petals. For background knowledge, Care Bears was officially introduced in 1982, their "tummy symbols" (as they were originally called) are referred to as "belly badges".

Went over to Earle Swenson for dinner. As I'm still on a very strict dietary intake, hence i have limited options from their menu. Their bread bowl was overly toasted, but the Cream of Chicken soup was surprisingly pleasant and light, and the Chicken Frank Sausage Hotdog was not too bad, LF's medium raw Sirloin steak was nicely done as well. The ambience is good, so if you are looking for a quiet place to do some catching up with friends, do give this place a try. However, a piece of advise, do not expect a huge variety in their menu.

My very first public appearance (haha) after 3 months of hibernation. Nothing special about the Banana Split ice cream. (Pssst! come closer) I'm not supposed to eat that, but who can resist it? Any food that is sinful tastes real good! Yeah!

This is for LF... Amazingly we click like old pals when we first met in Year 2003 (those were the days sia). Those overtime hours in the Credit Card department, plenty of fun with our KTV sessions, shopping and food expeditions, mostly nonsense during our outings, but i truly appreciate and treasures our friendship. Despite you being younger & full of life, don't so fierce to me can? My poor heart is not so strong de hor.

Can parallel lines meet?

Ok, i need to confess, i actually text my buddy to confirm that parallel lines does not meet. However, he did mention there is an argument that parallel lines does meet at infinity.

Mathematically, parallel lines remain the same distance apart over their entire length (called "equidistant"). No matter how far you extend them, they will never meet. Parallel lines will always point in the same direction.

Ain't it sad? My view of a healthy relationship is just like a set of parallel lines, someone always close beside me, and yet able to let me maintain my individuality. I envy the chemistry between a couple, where a lot of unspoken words, faith, and trust are being communicated through actions, or just a look of eyes. But the question here is, is that really a healthy insight of love? Key point: Parallel lines never converging or diverging, they simply never meet! Even if they do meet (based on non-Euclidean geometries), it's at infinity. How irony!

Here's another question for you, "do you love having your partner around you, or do you love him/her?". Well, at inital stages most likely it's the latter, but as time goes by, will it still be ceteris paribus? I'm not saying that all relationships will fall into that vicious cycle, but sometimes Love can easily become a false front for convenience sake.

Of course we do see plenty of virtuous cycle (happy ending) as well. There is, however, a possibility that a virtuous cycle can transform into a vicious one. In short, both cycles are complexes of events with no tendency towards equilibrium (at least in the short run). Hmm, how can you blame me for being pessimistic right?

Sagittarius women speak their minds, as the truth tellers of the zodiac. I'm a true blue Sagittarius, the ultimate bachelor sign, so don't assume things will lead naturally to the alter. I do have my fair share of unpleasant datings, either too possessive, indecisive, characters mismatched, or simply loves to take people for granted.

Talking about star signs, I have been following Susan Miller's Astrology Zone since i was 18 years old. I'm a great fan of hers, and she makes Astrology easy to understand. If you do have some interest in finding out the ancient science of interpreting what influence the movements of the planets, stars and other heavenly bodies that may have on our lives, or rather, just to find out more about your monthly forecast, do give this website a try. http://www.astrologyzone.com/

Blood curling incidents

This is especially for my lear...

Let me share with you my horrifying 3 weeks stay in CGH. I was admitted to CGH on 23rd August 2008, it was close to midnight on a Saturday. Mine was a single bedded ward, and routinely there will be a doctor doing rounds for those newly admitted. However, the very first misfit who attended to me, was a lady intern from NUS instead (judging from the NUS student card hanging from her neck).

There was a need to put me on drip, mainly to eliminate the 2 bacteria in my blood, and also because i didn't consume food for the past 1 week. This was the first time in my entire life being put on a drip, boy was i terrified, however her shaky fingers and sweaty palms did nothing to calm my nerves. The pain was so unbearable, and immediately i went into a seizure, my whole body went into a state of involuntary contraction of muscles

Only at the 3rd attempt, did she manage to locate my vein for that "plug". My dear friends, 3 different spots being pricked, and she wasn't exactly the gentle type (if you know what i mean). This Misfit No.1 got the cheek to shoo my mum out of the ward, so that she can concentrate *roll eyeballs*. My pillowcase was actually stained with blood, resulting from the injection and withdrawal of needles. Makes me wonder if my blood transfusion on 28th August was a resultant of this.

I clearly remembered Misfit No.2, he is a young gentleman, also another medical intern. He came alone, armed with his tool box (gloves, cotton balls, needles, test tubes, plasters... etc), and after taking a few test tubes of blood samples from me, he actually earnestly apologized "erm... Sorry for keep taking your blood...". I could only picture a vampire thanking his victim for a hearty meal.

Just when i thought i could seal my blood permanently in me (at least for the next 24 hours), came another 2 Misfits. Yes, 2 ladies (interns again!!!), for companionship to boost confidence i guess. Misfit No.3 was actually there to guide Misfit No.4!!!!

Conversation transpired between them, as if i was unconscious...

Misfit No.3: it's ok, don't worry (Hey, she's not talking to me!!!)
Misfit No.3: ok, try to locate her veins. If cannot, tie her arm (means to clog the blood flow) and get her to pump (means to flex my fists). (i hear thunder, i hear thunder)
Misfit No. 4: erm, this one can? (i must have missed a heartbeat)
Misfit No.3: go ahead

Gosh! I regretted not taking pictures of my bruises, both my arms were full of "blue black" and needle holes. There was this particular nasty one on my left (near the arm joint), that spot was clogged and harden with blood, and was officially announced "spoilt" by a doctor on the day of my discharged. "Thanks ya" Misfit No.1!

Why me?

Within 6 months, i was admitted twice to CGH (August' 08), and TTSH (February'09) respectively.

I was recently diagnosed with a rare autoimmune system malfunctioning. It is not contagious - not even blood to blood. Initial stages are mostly mis-diagnosed by General Practitioner. The warning signals that my body has been sending out, which i sadly ignored, are common symptoms.

Our immune system produces antibodies that normally attack hostile viruses and bacteria in an effort to keep us healthy. For my case, however, the immune system mistakenly perceives the cells in skin as foreign, and attacks them. Antibodies that attack one's own cells are called autoantibodies.

Definitive statistics on the incidence and prevalence are not available, but estimates of the number of new cases diagnosed each year ranges from as high as 5 per one hundred thousand to as low as one per million. So why me? My (very gentle) lady doctor told me there is a good chance of eliminating these autoantibodies when my body decided to just get rid of it one fine day... My good god! Let it come soon.

One day you feel perfectly healthy, the next day you learn you have a chronic, life-threatening illness. Why me?

There are times when i feel wonderful, and other times i felt discouraged, in pain, or depressed! It can be very debilitating, and cause lost time at work, loss of appetite, inability to eat normally, weight loss, loss of sleep, hospitalization, emotional distress, etc. Fortunately, this usually occurs with the onset of the disease, during the search for a correct diagnosis and proper treatment. Once effective treatment is initiated, and conditions are under control, it will be undetectable when it is in remission, i should be able to return to my normal lifestyle.

I am now under medication of course, commonly known as Steriod (medical drug name: Prednisolone). Once controlled, the steroid is reduced slowly to minimize side effects (gd news is they already cut my dosage. Yeah!). Some patients then go into remission; however, many patients need a small maintenance dose to keep the disease under control. Potential side effects are weight gain, loss of bone density, loss of hair, headaches, nausea, stomachaches, high blood pressure, high blood sugar and stroke. Patients on these medications must have blood monitored on a regular basis to be aware of possible serious side effects. Why me?

This is what i'm gonna look like in the coming near future. Of course my face has been round (that's why I'm NiAn yuAn yuAn aka Chubby Face) since young, the lack of hair needs no further explainations.

Also for once, I am properly diagnosed with "Beta Thalassemia" trait (地中海贫血症), with iron deficiency. CGH didn't bother to further confirm if i'm a Beta Thlm, and just conveniently assumed that i am severely anemic, and assumed for the worst that i could be suffering from internal bleeding, or worst, tumor related illness.

If you wanna know more about Beta Thlm, this is something i found easy to comprehend
http://www.thalassemia.org/updates/pdf/Beta_Thalassemia.pdf

Further understand from my doctor in TTSH, it doesn't pose any significant problem with my daily activities and well being, however the only implication possible will only arise if i marry another Beta Thlm, then our offspring will be a severe case of anemic. (Sheesh, my buddy told me that when i was hosptalised in CGH last year August, and he is awfully right on this!)

That's another criteria to add into my "Mr Right" checklist, so whoever you are, "My dear, no Beta Thlm ok?" *gRin*

Crazy Over... ...

Guess what? I'm so into a new beauty brand "Benefit". It's not exactly a new line, but it was only officially launched last year in Singapore.

I bought my very first item last month before Valentine's Day, its a cream to powder foundation, and awesomely named as "some kind-a gorgeous - the foundation faker". The packaging is so darn cute. There are only 2 tones, either deep or fair (light to medium), and i landed up with the latter. Frankly though, i think the foundation doesn't really compliment my skin tone, but still i can make do with it (coz it's cute!!!). Maybe I'm more used to powder foundation, so i still need to practice practice practice.

I simply love the way they named their products, "hello flawless!", "miss popularity", "realness of concealness", "touch me then try to leave"... Such creativity. Now I'm going gaga over their eye bright pencil and a blusher... but hold it! I shall just put it under my wish list, imagine paying SGD $60 for a blusher in times like this....

Make-up is such a messy affair, but now it comes with a fun twist to it. However, the rule of the thumb is always "less is more", the less you put on, the younger you will look.

But hey! It's funny that i always landed up looking as "less is nothing". I hate it when i take pride to "paint" my face in the morning, and then hear remarks like "you sure you got make up meh?". Oh geesh! One such remark is enough to kill my mood for the rest of the week, fine! i go "nude" (on the face) then, and i really take only 5 mins for that. *applauds*

But my new resolution for Year 2009 is to remember to slap on sunblock and moisturizer. I'm always too lazy for that, and although it could be too late to start that regime (supposed to start in my early twenties), let's hope i can save it in time.

(01/05/09) Update:- I'm back to my usual Lancome 2-way foundation. I just didn't have enough willpower to continue with it (no, i don't hate it), i just grown out of liking it. Dislike doesn't equate to hate.

What a Start....

A sudden inspiration to start something new today. So while i was surfing the net for some quirky ideas, i came across a blog, i thought "why not", and hence here goes...

For those who know me, I'm an expressive and animated person. Having said that, i still wonder if i should be true to myself, or just try to act "goody" in this virtual network.

Since August 08 till now, with 2 episodes of hospitalisation, i have been fighting in all aspects (emotionally, physically, mentally and psychologically), and it terrifies me to see myself in a brand new perspective. I am weak, be it in flesh or in mind. Put togther all the tears i shed for the past 8 months, i can only think of Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me A River".