Breathe easy

Hey folks, gotten an sms from TTSH yesterday evening, was informed that my CT throax scan was cleared, and no tumors seen. Three Cheers and Three Cheers and Three Cheers for ME!

Didn't sleep well ever since i know that i need to go through more tests, so many times my faith was shaken. Anyway, i had a good sleep last night.

Received a call from TTSH early this morning, Sister Tan re-confirmed that piece of good news with me. Well i can breathe slightly easy for the time being.

Additional updates:

The very first few hours (on 08/06/2009) after the CT scan. Notice the swell on my left hand (top right), it was painfully unbearable, and i couldn't lift my hand up the very next day, but i got no choice but to continue working.

(Bottom) This was taken 8 days (16-06-09) after the scan. Even as i update this today (21-06-09), the needle hole is still very much visible, and it still hurts abit when i accidentally brush across something hard. Do they have to use such a BIG needle???? *roll eyeballs*

Say Cheese

What is CT scan (Computed Tomography)? It provides an accurate diagnosis of scans of internal organs, bone, soft tissue and blood vessels, also provide greater clarity and reveal more details than regular x-ray exams.

I barely slept last night. Woke up feeling extremely unhappy. How exciting can it be to take a 3D imaging of my upper torso? Said my prayers before making my way down to TTSH.

Prior to the dreadful procedure, I changed into the brown gown given to me. There was a painful prick when the needle was forced into my vein. An intravenous contrast material (colour dye) was used, I have this warm, flushed sensation during the injection of the contrast dye, and a metallic taste formed in my mouth that lasted for a few minutes.

I was lying flat on my back, then slowly and smoothly slided into the X-ray circle, special lights were used to ensure that I'm properly positioned. During the "scanning" session, I heard slight buzzing, clicking and whirring sounds as the CT scanner revolves around me. I was alone in the examination room during the CT scan, the radiologist "safely" kept out from the radiation, could however, see, hear and speak to me in the other room.

I found the procedure stressful, my heart was perpetually in my mouth, firstly I was worried sick about the result findings, and secondly I'm claustrophobic. Mine was a CT thorax (for chest), took only 5 minutes. Will only know the result findings in a couple of days, how am i gonna get through the next few days? Oh my god!

Verdict: CT scan are painless, fast and easy, but probably the need to lie still for several minutes may cause some discomfort. Expensive, cost me $517.80 just to lie on that high technology bed.

Risks:

1) The effective radiation dose from this procedure is about the same as the average person receives from background radiation in three to five years. Super tired after the procedure, must be due to the effect of the radiation.

2) There is always a slight chance of cancer from excessive exposure to radiation. Well, how irony, in the midst of determining any cancerous growth within me, and in exchange the possibility of cancer due to radiation.

Smoke gets in my eyes

Went for my medical consultation yesterday afternoon, my blood glucose level (blood sugar) increased to 9.5, which came as a shock to me, because my usual level is below 6.0. For diabetic patients, blood glucose level ranges between 9.0 to 12.0 .

But my colleague highlighted that since i had Nasi Lemak for lunch (before the check up), the coconut milk content may be the main culprit. Well, I'm praying hard. I remembered drinking Bandung prior to my last consultation, and my blood glucose level also shot above 9.0. For my next consultation on 24/06/2009, Dr Tan arranged a morning appointment, no breakfast before i see her, so that she can have an accurate reading. I do not wish to become diabetic because of my Steroid dosage *cross fingers*

Another rude shock came when her senior consultant suggested a CT scan (Computed Tomography) to re-confirm my illness has no relation to any tumor growth. At that moment, my world came crashing down! Those X-rays, MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging), Mammogram, colon and stomach scope (gastroscope) that i had taken before, doesn't show any growth. If there is "something" growing inside, there will be a further need to test whether is it benign or malignant... ... God, haven't you heard my prayers yet?

Dr Tan's consolation to me is that if it's a cancerous tumor, current medication (that I'm having now) would not have work, and if there is really any tumor presence, it would be very small because it's undetectable on X-rays. As if that helps?

The good news is my Steroid dosage will be reduced further, from 1 tablet (5MG) daily to 3 times per week. Initally i was on 60MG on 01/03/2009, and it took 3 months of gradual reduction to present stage, hopefully i can safely get rid of this poisonous medicine forever.

On my cab journey back to the office, my mind was in a mess. Finally broke down when my colleagues asked me for updates. Life is so meaningless, here i am trying hard to make a honest living, doing nobody any harm, dutifully fulfilling my social roles, and yet my faith and inner strength has been continuously put through tests. There is only so much i can bear with, at times i felt so lonely, although i know i am constantly surrounded by my family and friends who loves me, but i truly felt like a stranded fighter.

The CT scan is scheduled on this coming Monday afternoon (08/06/09). I hope this will be the last procedure, i doubt i can take anymore of such tests.

Smile Baby... SMILE

"Job fit" is a word that has been mouthed frequently since April.

Judging from my character, i shouldn't even be in this service line. I have too much pride, and too little patience. Maybe I should reconsider my options again.

My endurance level undergone trials with the recent few episodes. Clients making unreasonable demands, and recurring fault finding (for the sake of being difficult) sessions which takes forever for them to be appeased, even though the mistakes / unhappiness happened donkey years ago, and was caused by another personnel.

There are also a handful who got "abusive" just to ensure that they dominate the whole conversation / meeting. By raising vocals, slamming fists on table, and pointing finger right to my face, don't they know that it's actually very LC (low class)? Everyone is having that "squeeze-you-dry", "my-loser-life-sucks-so-yours-should-too", or "vent-my-anger-on-you" kind of mentality. It's an agony not being able to match their vocals, and i must constantly remind myself not to distort, or twitch any part of my face to show my displeasure. All service heroes are actually Oscars winners *applaud*

As the global education level rises, we seemed to have lose the "basics". Fair treatment for all human beings, fair dealing for all classes, and basic respect for all races, all left far behind as we progress. So, are we progressing, or already degraded to a class lower than animals?

There is this family of villains, young and old, which i met last Friday. If he is that influential (as he claims) in the first place, there is actually no need to bargain for that petty amount. By quoting me the big players in my organisation, it doesn't scare me, and it doesn't emphasize his importance as well. Which era is he in? We have long passed the generation where pulling strings can get you preferential treatment. WAKE UP!

If you can recall, in Year 2007, in order to boost tourism, our government aim to differential ourselves from neighbouring countries, by placing strong emphasis in delivering superior customer service, we had since then created a pool of demanding and ungrateful local customers.

Warning:- My patience is running low, real low. With all those stress loaded onto me at work, and entertaining nonsensical demands, i will not be swallowing my grievances for long. Watchow!

PPG

Heard an annoying analogy from a new acquaintance. He feels that i possess multi-personalities that's comparable to 3 Powerpuff Girls at one go.

At the back of my mind, i was already super unhappy with that comment, "WHAT? say i cartoon is it?" But i encouraged him to continue as i barely started my main course, which means i still have to endure him for another one hour or so (because I'm slow when it comes to eating).

Oh my... Purr-lease! How can i be suffering from any personality disorder?

For the benefit of those older than me, or my peers:- Blossom has long ginger hair tied with a pink bow. Super bossy, and hence is the leader of the trio. Bubbles has blonde hair in pigtails, in light blue, and is known for being 'the joy and the laughter' of the group. Buttercup wears green, with a silly black bobbed hair, known to be the 'toughest fighter'.

Now who (dares to) agree with him?

Although i would love to have their big eyes, but I'm not at all greedy, cos i do not wish to have a pair of overly sized eyeballs. *evil laugh* [refer to my blog on 28.03.09, that life-sized gargoyle has a pair of fishballs sized eyes]

Sleep deprivation

I am seriously deprived of sleep! Stress level has been all time high since we shifted office. There are so many changes to be adopted, strict guidelines implemented by the management. Anxiety and depression truly falls upon me, and I could hardly breathe...

Working late has also taken a toil on my health, I'm waking up everyday feeling lethargy. The influx of work totally sapped life out of my colleagues, we hardly smile, barely had the time to speak during office hours. All i see are frowning faces.

Why is everything in such a mess? Never did i expect myself to be so unhappy. Are the management aware that morale is at all time low? I definitely understand the urgency to revamp all processes, but did they somehow lose the human touch during this transition? After all, we are human beings, not machines, why do i have this feeling that i am just a production worker in a factory line?

Am i not committed to my work? Despite my unhappiness and weariness, i still reach office early, and stay back till late (after 10pm), just to make sure everything is in order. Well, to my bosses, that's my duty, but think about it, i could really just deliver my work half heartedly too.

I have 2 superiors; one who equates staying back late as being inefficient and lacks time management, while the other simply feels that he/she is extremely hardworking (just like her, my god!).

Perhaps i really need to sit down and seriously ponder through... ...

But where will i go from here?

Eau de Parfum

The word "perfume" derives from "per fumum", meaning "through smoke" in Latin. In Chinese, it's call "Xiang Shui", literally translated to "fragrance water"

I like perfume, but I'm not exactly a fragrance junkie, and neither am i a fragrance abuser. Perfume is a very personal statement. It should be applied in just the right places for proper effect. I did a stock count yesterday, and I'm amazed that my collection of Eau De Parfum is larger than i expected.

This is one of my forgotten collection. "Deep Night" created by Ghost in Year 2001, it was designed in the shape of Luna, supposed to be romantic and fantastic at the same time. When i received this as a gift in Year 2002, i did not like it at all. It developed a smokey-vanilla-peachy scent on my skin. Not bad, but dusty smokey notes are not really my type, hence it remains untouched for the past 7 years.

This represents "the perfume of love". It was a gift from a guy who is 2 years my senior, whom i deliberately lost contact with him, for i cannot tolerate his lifestyle as a frequent clubber. When i open up the box yesterday (after so many years), only did i see a card inside it. Geesh! I guess my MIA answered his question after all. But honestly, i was just too absent minded and overlooked that card.

"Pretty Nina" was a birthday gift from my 2 guy friends (http://www.jayandthelostboys.blogspot.com/) last year. I love it!!! Apple-shaped perfume is one of the frequent designs adopted by Nina Ricci. It has a flowery-citrus scent, smells like the sweetest, and the most delicious red apple on my skin. Very cheerful and uplifting, one of those feel-good, princess-like fragrances. Yummy! Limited edition too!

My latest collection "Ralph" by Ralph Lauren is a floral fruity fragrance for women. The sales lady at the counter claimed it's strawberry, but i thought it smells like green apple. After a couple of sniffing session with a few Ralph fragrances, D1nOnly1 concluded this is the best among them. I thought so too, unable to curb my shopaholic impulse nature, the rest is history. My verdict:- after an hour or so, it smells more-or-less how it should be - sparkling, attractive and delicate.

I'm also a die-hard fan of Gucci fragrances, "Rush 2" and "Envy Me" are my all-time favourites. My cousin bought me those 2 during his overseas trips. "Diamonds" by Emporio Armani was an encouragement gift from him when i was discharged from CGH last September.

Confession time: I have a major weakness for guys who wear proper scent. Catching a whiff of a man's cologne will make me go weak, that usually sums up my first impression of a man. Of course i have a few preferences when it comes to Cologne, most of the time it's those woody aromatic scent that attracts my attention. I'm not kidding when i say i would stop dead in my track whenever a desirable scent pass by me *sheepish grin*

"Polo Black" by Ralph Lauren is one of those. Definitely a fragrance designed for a modern, daring, masculine, and sophisticated man. Interesting enough to make me wanna know more about him.

"Boss Bottled" is also one of my top favourite fragrances by Hugo Boss, and this is one of the classics that has a great masculine character with it, fresh and sharp, refined and elegant.

I heard of this Chinese superstitious "Never to offer perfume as a gift, because the relationship will just fade eventually". Hmm, true?

(01/07/09) Update:- Received a gift from my client, was so embarrassed with her kind gesture. She has given me a bottle of perfume, it's Davidoff's fragrance for women "Cool Water Game". You will catch a sniff of a playful energy in that refreshing fruity scent. Previously a friend of mine also given me Cool Water for Women. So I'm not new to Davidoff fragrance. This is indeed a pleasant surprise to me, for customer servicing is all about giving, and rarely we see such appreciation from clients at all.