Turbulence

Unhappy Me

It has been a not-so-fantastic June for me.

I have been filled with fear, and I must admit that I am beginning to see the vast difficulties ahead in this career path, and I pray for the wisdom and patience to see me through this.  Everything is so different: the industry setting, the environment, the terminologies used, the abilities of the staff under my care.  Yes, I call the shots, but now is STILL not the time yet.

All 5 divisions have different SOP, processes, and deals with different personnel in the hospital.  All 16 staff has different personalities, capabilities, and adaptability towards work.  I have to start making my assessment and decide on my next approach.

My direct superior has not been really helpful in mentoring me, and she probably is more than happy to offload this mess to me when I came onboard.  It is like swimming against the fast currents with a deflated small float.

My CEO has communicated great expectations, and keeps emphasizing that I am a smart and over-achiever individual, and that unhelpfully adds onto my stress level. He has assured me that I am doing fine, and should not be discouraged, for it has only been 6 weeks.  I have also noticed a trend… Ever since I came onboard, he has been recruiting employees with non-healthcare related experience.

I did thought of making an exit, and I am still contemplating about it.  But I really do not wish to be seen as a failure, and neither do I wish to make a premature decision. However, on the other hand, I should also consider leaving before wasting too much time in this industry.

The anxiety that I am feeling now has been magnifying at a considerable rate, my confidence is all time low now.  My top most priority now is to re-think my plans, and conceptualise my thoughts.  I just hope this doesn’t affect my sleep, and I need all the energy to see myself through over the next 2 months.

It’s gonna be a long month ahead in July!