Turbulence

Unhappy Me

It has been a not-so-fantastic June for me.

I have been filled with fear, and I must admit that I am beginning to see the vast difficulties ahead in this career path, and I pray for the wisdom and patience to see me through this.  Everything is so different: the industry setting, the environment, the terminologies used, the abilities of the staff under my care.  Yes, I call the shots, but now is STILL not the time yet.

All 5 divisions have different SOP, processes, and deals with different personnel in the hospital.  All 16 staff has different personalities, capabilities, and adaptability towards work.  I have to start making my assessment and decide on my next approach.

My direct superior has not been really helpful in mentoring me, and she probably is more than happy to offload this mess to me when I came onboard.  It is like swimming against the fast currents with a deflated small float.

My CEO has communicated great expectations, and keeps emphasizing that I am a smart and over-achiever individual, and that unhelpfully adds onto my stress level. He has assured me that I am doing fine, and should not be discouraged, for it has only been 6 weeks.  I have also noticed a trend… Ever since I came onboard, he has been recruiting employees with non-healthcare related experience.

I did thought of making an exit, and I am still contemplating about it.  But I really do not wish to be seen as a failure, and neither do I wish to make a premature decision. However, on the other hand, I should also consider leaving before wasting too much time in this industry.

The anxiety that I am feeling now has been magnifying at a considerable rate, my confidence is all time low now.  My top most priority now is to re-think my plans, and conceptualise my thoughts.  I just hope this doesn’t affect my sleep, and I need all the energy to see myself through over the next 2 months.

It’s gonna be a long month ahead in July!

Dead tired

This week has been a total madness, waking up early, rushing for early meeting, feeling dead beat by the time I hit the bed, and I just couldn't get to sleep.  I guess feeling stressful is normal, afterall there is still a lot of things waiting to be solved :(

First project has been tasked, and I need to look into the queuing process in the clinic, and of course to run this project smoothly.  I am already running into some difficulties with my planning, must look into refining it over this weekend.  2 interns from USA will be coming under my care on 10th June and will be helping me with this project, wow! I seriously need to plan their 2 weeks properly.

Although it has been a busy week, but I had rewarded myself with small retail therapy, bought a couple of new dresses, and feels wonderful with the new image that I am having.  Next week I will go on a shopping spree with my BFF, more dresses, more shoes, more beauty products... Yeahhhh!!!

I love June!

New start

I have embarked on a new career path, ventured into a new terrain on 15 May.  I have been patiently waiting for that day to come, totally filled with excitement while getting ready for it.

The past 1 week has been intensive, yet enriching.  My CEO did pre-empt me that the learning curve will be a very steep one, and true to his words, I am really caught in a whirlpool of madness. 

Before I can settle down into my role, or get to know everybody, the mock Joint Commission International (JCI) also started.  In fact, the mock JCI sent every staff in the hospital into a frenzy.  As for me, I was trying hard to grasp with the medical terms and procedures that are being used during the conversations, I was totally clueless about this JCI, but it got better as it goes by.  I can always easily relate back to the compliance policies in the Banking sector, for the basic underlying principles remain ceteris paribus.

Waking up at 5:30am is really a challenge, because all morning meetings start at 8am sharp. The past 7 working days were really filled with back-to-back meetings, I honestly don't really remember attending that many meetings all my life.  Furthermore, now that I am running the clinic operations, with staffs reporting directly to me... I can ill afford to turn up work sluggishly or late.

By the time I got to bed, I am so exhausted that I fell straight into Lala Land almost immediately.  No time for any facial mask at all :(

New beginning.  New challenges.  New lifestyle.  New image.  New networks.

L-plate Tai-Tai

While I was waiting to start my new job, I had the privileges of being a Tai-Tai for slightly more than a week. 

Day 1:  collected my contact lenses from Changi City Point, bought many boxes of facial masks, and stocked up my beauty products.  Will be writing a new review on them soon.

Day 2:  cleaned up my makeup box, vanity cabinet and my wardrobe.  Cleared away unwanted clothing, and washed my makeup brushes.  Still managed to find some time to shelve away my medicines and books.

Day 3:  tested my new bus route to work, and seen my specialist in the morning. Went Marina Square for a haircut in the noon, and at 5pm started queuing up for an hour at the newly opened dim sum restaurant in Plaza Singapura - Tim Ho Wan, the famous 1 Michelin Star dim sum restaurant from HK.  Verdict: Anna and me thinks that the food was so-so only, and their staff definitely needs to undergo some service courses.  I will not be going back again, unless I need not queue and it's on some one's tab.

4 hours in the salon was energy draining, I am now with bangs, which I regretted so much.  OMG! Anna is trying hard to convince me that I looked nice in it, but I simply hate what the mirror is showing me.  Plus, my S3 phone's battery life is pissing me off big time, I really need to get another spare battery.  I hope Day 4 will be a better day.

Day 4:  lazy day at home :)

Day 5:  started to read up individual profiles of my new team, and learning the SOP for the medical records team.  There is still a big ring file that I will have to obtain from the HR when I start work.  Well, always aim to be ahead of what is coming up, and always to be prepared for the worst.

Day 6:  Totally forgotten about my MT dentist appointment in the morning.  Spent an hour bleaching my white tops, and they are pristine white now :) Pre-Mother's Day celebration.

Day 7:  Moody Day :(

Day 8:  a trip to the Lasik Surgery Clinic at Orchard Paragon, as mummy needs to be tested if she is suitable for Lasik.  The test and consultation was so detailed that it lasted for more than 3 whole hours.  Anyway, she is not going ahead with the Lasik, for they cannot entirely correct her eyesight.

Day 9:  another lazy day at home.  Feeling anxiety setting in for tomorrow.  Planned my wardrobe for the following working days, matching them with shoes and accessories.

Yeahhhhh~~  I am ready to start my new adventure tomorrow :) I must be in bed by 10pm

Goodnight!

8 years 8 months

Today marks the end of my first job.  There are many things to be thankful of, through all the good and bad times, many opportunities were given to sharpen my skills and foresight.  Bosses did try their best to change my mind, a few baits were thrown in, but I was not tempted.

I have been delaying my departure, hence it was not a painful decision at all, but it was still heart wrenching to bade farewell to familiar faces, scenes and sights.  Thankfully those closest to me are all male colleagues, farewell lunch and well wishes, then off I go quietly, without getting teary... Shall greatly miss their jokes and presence, and their careful protection which shields me from malicious female gossipers. 

I am leaving behind tons of memories.  For the sake of a change in environment, personal development, health and my sanity, I have no reasons to hold me back. 

Most people remain clueless about my next job, those few who knew exclaimed about the drastic change (banking to health care), but I am excited about it, and this new industry does hold great attraction for me.  The new role that I will be taking up is much more challenging.  I certainly hope this new environment should be less competitive, and a much more meaningful industry.

Goodbye OC! Hello JH:)

Diminishing

I have been losing tons of weight recently, despite trying very hard to keep up with my meals, but I just do not have the appetite to finish them.  There are times when I will gorge myself silly, but there are times where I totally feel no hunger pangs after long hours of empty stomach.

Too many things has been weighing me down. 

Too many things have taken place within a week. 

The paths and decisions that I have made, my life has come through with a lot of self-sacrifices, worries and stress.  I would, of course, wish for a normal life, but since I am at it, I will shoulder it.

But I am glad that there is at least some changes to look forward to, one that channels my attention into something positive, for at least the next 3 months.  The past 11 months were awful: rumination, "supposedly" miscommunication, tears shed, heart wrenching sleepless nights, and of course, abandonment at it's best.

Thank you for making me a fool!  I can only despised myself further. 

If I do not have a lively and cheerful disposition, possess no positive Zen-qualities, bleak outlook in life, and practically not good enough; in short, nothing like your previous.  I have only myself to blame.

The fault is mine.  This pain I will bear unconditionally. 

The inescapable Rat Race

I have been clearing my leave and recuperating at home for this week. 

All was well until now... ... I am extremely disgusted with people's attempt to tamper with my work, and to discredit me further.  It is also unfortunately an oversight of mine, for not taking that additional step to prevent sabotage.

I was supposed to be doing some "audit checks" on a number of colleagues, and to provide closure on their behalf, something which translates to manipulating the outcome/score of the department customer experience.  I should have rejected upfront when I was first instructed to place that damn file into the common shared folder, it was not at all protected, and anyone can have access to amend the records inside.  I am now being "questioned", and I have provided the "unlawful" an avenue to commit more "crimes".

I should not have been so trusting.  I am the sole person-in-charge of this job, without a maker-checker system in place, this is surely an audit flaw.  I have already pointed that out previously, but I did not pursue any further to implement it.  Again, it's my fault!

This matter involves integrity, not just mine but everyone in the department.  It is very disheartening, when one's effort has been questioned.  I have always put in 110% effort in my tasks, and I did it with pride, just when I am about to leave this place, the dirty hands of office politics finally caught hold of me.

Of course, I have fellow colleagues who knew that I have been doing this diligently.  I am tired of all these nonsense, I had overcome so many years of back stabbing, and I came out clean!  I did not do my very best to foul-proof my work, if the results have been tampered, and I do not keep tab with the findings, then I jolly well deserved this outcome.  Lesson learnt!

Just last week, my department head mentioned about receiving a letter that was sent anonymously to her, a letter that provides a long list of "crimes" committed by our immediate supervisors.  My goodness, how childish can one be? 

Even if there is any element of truth, a letter without a sign-off would lacks the credibility.  My department head was extremely affected by this second "poisonous" letter, and sternly warned us that this will be regarded as a clear indication of insubordination.  Judging from the way she delivered her dagger stares, she clearly has 2 suspects in mind.  Such petty approach would only reflects the maturity of the author, and dampen any future prospects (if any).

My department is well known for its rumour-mongers, gossipers, and back stabbers.   Of course, this letter threw everyone in the department into an red alert mode.  We have new blood coming in to replace the older ones, it is necessary to stem out all negativity to ensure harmonious environment, and to retain capable staffs.

Conclusion:  It is a huge jungle out there, and many big cats are forever sharpening their deadly claws.  Even if I have been making a conscious effort to stay out of the fray, it is almost impossible not to be sucked into this whirlpool of madness.

"It's the strong who comes up on top, one must have power before others will reason with you." 

Of course, one must always exercise power with caution.  The power to change things should never be abused for personal gains.