不开心。非常不。不非常。

我。纳闷的叹，无奈的烦，反复的转，走不出的慌。

感觉。沉重，郁闷，烦躁。

像。冬天的冷，厚厚的雪，重重的身躯，刺痛的呼吸。



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有一种恨铁不成钢，怀才不遇的怄。

竟然败在独裁主义，阿谀奉承，无可理喻，非逻辑的制度下。

秀才遇到兵，有理说不清。



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女人堆，心眼多，是非多，动作多，荷尔蒙失调而坏脾气，男子气概之辈不可咽。

女人堆，没主见，没远见，没气魄，没诚信，荷尔蒙失调而没思维，无女子之德。

Who cares what you think of me?

I have again resume my job searching, not in an active mode, but I guess I could afford to check out market rate and plan my next move.  By April 2014, I would be in this current company for a year.  I must admit that I am not used to the flat hierarchy.

I can't help disliking the toxic environment that those women are creating, it is always difficult when the ratio of female outnumbered the males, it's even difficult when the organisation has only 130 headcount. I never work well with women, I always find them petty when it comes to minor issues, mostly ruled by emotions and not level headedness enough.  Just a simple issue and it can be made a mountain out of a molehill, all thanks to those empty vessels.

I attended a course earlier this month, and the lecturer told me in private, "Jo, I was thinking to myself that "Wow! This girl has very strong resilience" when I see you sitting quietly in the class.  I am a psychologist, and I observed everyone, do you know that when you are so strong in resilient, that you actually intimidate people?"

I was caught dumbfound, because he really understood my plight.  People always think that I am confident and not an easy character to deal with, so I am perceived as unapproachable and unfriendly to most.

Men enjoy working with me, because I think big, and no small actions coming from me when it comes to work.  But women thinks that men like to work with me for every wrong reasons.  I am not the one oozing sex appeal, be it deliberately or unintentionally, I am unlike some woman who self-declared as a sexy siren, but in reality, men thinks that she is fat, ugly from head to toe, and lousy character inside out, and top it off with a foul mouth.

My boss is a forty-plus spinster, who really irks everyone to the max.  She is the worst communicator around, and lacks the graciousness.  Someone who cannot differentiate work life and personal life. Whatever it is, she has been a bad example, one that I promise myself that I will not ever be. Let's not be angry when people say that Women are lousy superiors, I can voucher for that, and I will strive not to be like one of them.

Whatever it is, learn as much as I can, accumulate as much experience as I can, then exit to a higher grounds.  There is really a limit to my tolerance towards nonsensical hormonal monsoon.

Back me up

I am suffering from intense back pain since the start of December.  Recently it has worsen so rapidly that I could hardly straighten my back.  My bed is the most desirable thing on earth, and it holds such seduction that I think of it throughout the day, but waking up in it is the most back breaking experience ever.

Prior to that I already had 2 occasions of sever upper left thigh pain, which I could easily relate and blame my heels for it.  This job requires me to walk around frequently, and I have already worn out 3 pairs of flats, and 2 pairs of heels to date.

My TCM sinseh told me that it could be due to overwork, a result due to accumulative stress, which I guess could be part of the reasons, and so I have been warned not to wear any heels until this backache saga is over.  I have been given no physical therapy, just medication to consume, hopefully it will go off in a week's time.

OK, all these sitting up is killing me again. Gotta go :)

WTF

If you ever experienced working for a spinster, who loves to have people boot-licking her, and change decisions based on her hormonal monsoon. You will understand how I feel.

She will be normal for a week, then abnormal for another week, then cranky for the next week, finally explosive for the last week. She has a lousy dictionary that limits her choice of words, and yet she wants to slang like an "Ang Mo", or rather a Caucasian. For someone so small, she speaks like a bullet train, and in a haste to derail anyone's thoughts.

She is so unsuccessful that she has blurred the line between colleagues and friendship. Hanging out with boot-lickers over the weekend, just because she is single and has no activities to tide her through her loneliness, only makes her pathetic.

That piece of sh*t who does not know her place, please for goodness sake, look into the freaking mirror... if you are disgustingly obese like Barney, please do not force others to say you are beautiful. Once of courtesy, people will agree but could barely hide their contempt. For a 30 year old, please do not sing cutesy songs and shake your ugly butt, you are scaring the kids! &$@$%#$^

Common logic does not work in an unstructured organisation.
Common logic is not applicable to people who suffers from hormonal dysfunction.
Common logic simply slides off greasy fat ass.

NO wonder newcomers don't last long. I want to GET OUT too!

If we cannot be friends, then be professional - colleagues.

Happy Returns!

Age is just a number, it's the wisdom that matters.  Well, I guess I have to admit to that, and hopefully I did gain some wisdom as compared to last year.

For those wishes that didn't come true, I will have to continue working towards them.

Give me the strength to overcome all adversity.
Give me the wisdom to see the good in everything.
Give me the will to forgive my own poor heart.
Give me a chance to make things right.
Give me the grace to accept the pain.

Start afresh. Start believing. Start living.

Virus Virus go awaaaayyyyyy~~

How funny it is when I told myself that I must lose some weight, and the next thing is I landed up falling sick :(

No appetite for anything...

Just drift in and out of sleep for the past one week...

This viral infection is so strong that I keep having frequent fever, and temperature is always ranging above 38 degree celsius. If I am to be a princess, I think sleeping beauty will be a wonderful job fit for me.

加油！to my immune system, please fight hard with the remaining good soldiers.

Tug-of-war

There is this self-denial, near-end-of-life patient, who used to be an ex-model, has a history of losing family members to cancer, and penniless. Her consultant-in-charge told her to make the journey back to her country quick, if not she will not make it.

We had previously written off her huge medical bills as bad debts, and this time she insisted and imposed on us that she wanted to be admitted. Her request is something we could not agreed with: there is no way you gonna enjoy top medical service with minimum or no payment.

We had to turn her away...

I am one of those who agreed not to take her in...

Although we did provide her another alternative: to be admitted into the restructured hospital for the same procedure, but she refused. Last I heard, she has flew back to her homeland... and I wonder how is she...

Right or Wrong?

It just weighs me down...

There is above middle-class income couple, both are professionally employed, yet they insisted on having discounts... we disagreed to it immediately after reviewing their financial status. But the spouse of the patient insisted to bring this up.

Who needs help more? I thought of her, my heart chills... I stood very firm.

It is not guilt that I am feeling, I clearly knows that... it's the helplessness that my tender heart finds it hard to bear. In the face of others' death, I have to be a professional rational businessman. In the face of death, lifes are lost due to the lack of gold.

I could barely piece my torn up heart together.