Indignant...

There is only so much I can do. Yes, I can plough on forever until my last dying breathe, but please do not in any way test my patience.

Why is it that whatever you say is correct? Even if it hurts others, you exclaimed that it is for their own good. Even if we agree with you, you would say that we lack of our own judgement. Hear only what you wish, whatever you say is the ultimate truth, you are the wise one, and of course we contributes endlessly to your pain.

Even if we hear it coming right out from your mouth, you could denied it and insisted that we put words into your mouth. Cry all you wish, and throw accusations my way. I am not clever, but I am not dumb.

I love you and this family with all my heart, but your way of "planning for my best interest" is really far beyond my comprehension. Why can't we talk nicely? Why fill my heart with hatred? Your reasoning towards everything makes me feel like a sinner...

The chorus is not something I agree with, but I can fully understand the pain portrayed in this song

I do not blame, for I have no right to do so. I may not be a genius, I may not be perfect as a daughter, but why undermine my character? Have I not tried enough? How much is enough? Do you not have the faith that I will not jeopardise our family, my family? What can I do to live up to your expectations? Put anyone in my shoes, will you be as critical?

You are tired, so am I.

I am trying my best, for you, for Baobei, for this family.

Open Sesame. Password denied.

On a night like this,
I miss you the most...

Not because of the distance apart,
but my heart craves for your presence...

I know what causes it,
I am the one pushing you away...

I have no explainations for my capricious behaviour,
I know you have been hurt once again by me...

I love your warmth on my fingertips,
my fears can be crushed away by your hugs...

How can I be selfish to ask for more?
Will you be willing to shelter me?
Will you be blind to every flaws (visible and invisible) that I have?

I dare not ask...

Forgive me for my lack of willpower,
my insecurities are my nemesis...

Pain is something I live with.
and you need not go through it...

I hear you from behind the door,
ignoring your knocks, your voice that rang vividly in my ears...

I dare not open the door,
for I fear you have left...

Round Round Baby Round Round

One thing that never fails to amaze me is that, even if I am not in the office, I will still get juicy updates (real time some more) from fellow colleagues in another department.

Today, that Someone (refer to my posting on 3 September 2009) broke down into tears, and made such a huge commotion that sends tremor to the whole floor. Reason for that? She has succumbed to the pressure of my workload (yes, yours truly ME) right after 24 hours...

I hope she has learnt her lessons, and not make anymore snide remarks about my work efficiency. If one is not prepared to lend a helping hand, then do me a favour, shut your mouth as well.

Honestly, I am glad of such emotional outbreak, it would have sent another obvious signal to the management that my workload has undoubtedly surmounted to a high breaking point.

Well, I am definitely not looking forward to go back to office tomorrow... but since I can't run away from it, then bring it on!

Fasten your seat belt

I am expecting turbulence ahead.

Feels like I am on a treadmill - the speed is ridiculously fast, and I can't seem to catch up with the pace at all - I may just be thrown off course anytime soon.

The pressure has been building up, but (internally) I just refused to budge and definitely (rebelliously) unwilling to give in to the flow. It is alright not to ace it, although admittedly, this is so not me. I should have long accepted the fact that it was a futile attempt to set a trifling matter right.

When my voice falls on deaf ears, please do not expect me to resonate.

Either suffer a career setback, or I may just collapsed once again? It is no longer that hard to decide afterall.

My choice is clear.