Glummy Bears

We had a urgent meeting today, all those who are on leave were called back.

A change of head commander, removing our pillar of strength away.

In that instance a big gloomy cloud casted over the whole meeting room. Can't speak for the others, but I was left speechless, heart went frozen, mind went blank the whole day. I'm unhappy!

Of course i am curious how the new leaders will re-organise the troops. But unlike someone, whom got excited with the idea that someone is coming on board. How can you even think of exchanging one for another? No sense of loyalty at all.

01.12.09

Went down to Orchard today to embrace the Christmas spirit. The Christmas Light Up started early this year on 7 Nov, as Singapore played host to the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) meetings.

Had a quick glance, and realised that the lightings along the Orchard Road, and the annual contest for the "Best Dressed Building" of the Orchard Road Malls were nothing fantastic at all. I guess the cutest will be the Snowman at Scotts Road junction. Left me wondering what impressions did the APEC Economic Leaders have, with such cheap, unglamourous, uncreative decorations?

Had dinner at Orchard Central, not much crowd on a Tuesday night, and most of the restaurants were barely filled up with patrons. Strolled over to Takashimaya, and as usual the huge boring Christmas tree is up.

By the time i walked over to Ion Orchard, I was dead beat, and my heels were killing me. Routinely check out some of the stores there, saw a couple of good choices for Christmas gifts. Overall, I'm disappointed with the lack of festive season. I should hit the malls soon for my Christmas shopping.

Good things must share

I found something fabulous, and i definitely must share this with you.

Saw the advertisement for BIO-ESSENCE Radiant Youth Essence a couple of times, and was sceptical about their claims "Just 7 days, Tender & Finer skin like baby's".

Came across the tester for this product in Watsons (on Hari Raya Haji, which falls on 27/11 this year). Well, curiosity kills the cat, and oh man, i got blown away immediately. Just a drop of it, and gently massaged it onto the back of my hand, it just "disappeared", and skin becomes baby soft.

For someone like me, who's only strict in my cleansing regime, but lazy with the application of toner, moisturiser & sunblock, this product is amazing. Needless to say, i bought this, and excitedly went home to share this with my mum. She too, agreed that it's not as greasy as it looked initially, easily absorbed, and feels extremely light on the skin.

I'm into my 3rd day, and I'm already experiencing a change in my skin texture, it just feels softer and tender to touch.

Verdict: for $27.60, i say you have to give this a try.

Evil Twin

There is a huge character flaw which i refused to admit. That fiendish streak in me, is a friend i adopted when i was 7... "She" sits on my right shoulder, whispering snide remarks into my ear, and stirs my blood to boil. Because of her, i become a perpetual pain seeker (a ruminator:- one that turns a matter over and over in the mind), and a worrisome control freak (but I'm not a perfectionist).

Bedroom is the sanctuary which i seek refuge in, knowing that's the only way to better manage my thoughts when I'm alone. I demand for my space, my rights, and undivided attention, which make me a 100% fiend. I'm 50% devilish, 20% manic, 30% nonchalant to total strangers and enemies. Of course i can feel love as well, it's just that I'm sceptical about it, hence not receptive towards it. But once you got me convinced, it's total devotion.

I'm not condemning my evil twin thou, she does have her merits. Because of her, I'm caution & conscious, she's good at building protective barriers, hence the less tendency to get hurt when others sneak up to attack me. She's intuitive, resulting that I'm able to second guess any ill intentions. Many happy returns my dear twin!

Do you have an evil twin too? *wink*

Something to think over... ...

Yesterday seems like another graduation day for me, it's just that I'm without the proper gear (graduation gown and cap). But this time i have only 1 fellow supportive comrade with me.

How do i feel? Would you believe me if i tell you i felt nothing?

So many years in a company, i know i am insignificant, and no where near any success.

Confucius said "Success depends upon previous preparation, and without such preparation there is sure to be failure".

I have seen so many people working hard and preparing themselves ahead, and yet success never came knocking on their doors. Do i fear that it will happen to me as well? That crosses my mind so very often, i am constantly preparing myself to accept failures and disappointments (无常), so that when it does happen, i can accept it calmly with poise. After all, not everyone is destined to succeed. I was only an ok student, never the cream of the crop, so i should be contented with what i have now.

Perhaps there's no need to insist on anything, if I'm not fated to have it, God must have other plans for me. Or maybe that someone did more merits, and deserves it more than me. Surely i will have it the next round, as one must always be hopeful.

There's this saying which i wholeheartedly believe in "you gain some, you lose some" (有得, 必有失). Learn how to take glory and defeat humbly with a pinch of salt.

Flu-ly

Gosh! I have been seriously sick the past 3 days.

Nose super blocked, feeling feverish but no abnormally high temperature, minor sore throat. I kept drifting in and out of sleep, and was barely awake for more than 5 hours. Was on 2 days MC but went back to work today *sObz* Nobody sayang me de. My boss said it's ok for me to "faint on the carpet" flooring. Fine!

My mum keep asking me whether did we contracted H1N1, oh my goodness, so cute de my mum. I only managed to stop her by threatening to call for an ambulance to send her to the hospital as "suspected H1N1 case"... but i know she'll start doing it all over again tomorrow. *siGh*

I can feel the medicine working now, i better go tuck myself into bed. Goodnight! *mUacks*

Project Tranformation (E.T to Princess)

Gosh, i nearly had a nervous breakdown today.

Posing in front of 4 persons (1 lady and 3 guys), was no easy feat at all. LWC is a joyful and bubbly lady who is my fellow colleague from another department. While Larry is my makeup artist, who is so young, so full of live, and full of attitude in him. The other 2 guys are the photography crew, both shy but possesses funny and lovable humour that are so infectious.

First Larry need to make me look presentable, major re-construction ok! Larry put me at ease immediate, he's such a sweet person, shared plenty of makeup tips with me, and how he truly felt about the beauty industry.

It has been a long time since i met someone with a real temperament, he's a "i-dare-you" sweetie, so cute with his "I don't give-a-F***-if you-don't like-what-I've-said" behaviour. That is such an endearing trait. Come on, do we seriously need to have 98% of the world population behaving like they have been programmed to become Mr/Miss Congeniality?

Do visit his blog at http://makeupbanter.blogspot.com/ , he is so generous with the makeup application techniques, and plenty of product reviews. Top recommendation. Let me know if you need his contact number, he does makeup for all various events, have a look at his portfolio at www.flickr.com/photos/yeo_1978.

Let's digress a bit, Larry told me Asians are supposed to have rounder/fuller face, because of the fatty tissues beneath the skin, but God is fair, as Asians tend to age slower cause of them as well. So Chubby Face aka Nian Yuan Yuan is actually a good thing for me =).

Once the makeup and hair done, then comes the scary part. I can't freeze that smile (Hey, i already said i can't smile de) *fAint* It was so challenging for the 2 photographers, one of them kept saying "I don't believe there is anyone who can't smile". Luckily they are patience enough, and Larry the supermodel together with the rest, kept encouraging me. In the end, I'm thankful that it turned out to be an unforgettable experience. The official poster will be out in November, i hope the end product turns out all right *cross fingers*

Thanks LWC for offering me this once in a lifetime chance to do this photo shot (thanks to my bosses too). Superbly grateful to Larry for making me a pretty princess, and a thousand apologizes to the photography crew, I'm really not an easy object to shoot (oh wow, that doesn't sound right, doesn't it?) muahahah...

Mirror mirror, tell me a lie

I have many fears and phobias, in fact too many to name, yes (i admit) I'm a scary cat!

Unlike girls and ladies of all ages, I'm suffering from Spectrophobia - a fear of mirrors and one's own reflections. Must be those scary movies which i watched when i was young, where reflection was actually left behind in the mirror long after the person is gone. I'm comfortable only with objects that reflect my image without any colour. Don't ask me why.

I avoid mirrors and cameras at all cost. I look awful on photos, those stupid pictures magnified my (FAT!) chubby face, zoomed into my flaws (pimply zombie complexion), and it really add ages to my already old and sagging face. Trust me, this phobia runs in the family, across generations, none of us loves to take pictures.

Tell me, how stupid is it to smile at that tiny weeny rectangular box, how can i be natural when i know that the camera doesn't love me? Stop telling me to loosen up and think happy thoughts, I simply can't think straight when a camera is within 5 metres radius from my comfort zone. It's absolute hatred between me and camera, it failed to capture the truth about others, and it generously exposes my faults.

Last week, i nearly fainted when i received an (super duper scary) edict. Just when i barely recovered from the previous one, this latest one resulted in rapid heart palpitation for almost half a day. My heart is of a smaller built-in, irregular heart beats always makes me see "stars".

Oh my goodness! Arghhh, I'm breaking out in cold sweats now... ...

Entertainment on the go

Today, I swopped my black PSP (bought in December 2008) for a red PSP. The black one was super un-hackable and un-modifiable.

I'm a non-serious gamer, yes you heard me right, I'm not a serious gamer, so what the hell do i want a PSP for? Well, at first i wanted something that provides me audio and visual entertainment on the go.

I started playing "Maplestory" in Year 2007, but sadly it doesn't keep me occupied for long. Then i took on a new game "Audition", again it does nothing to maintain my interest as well. It's been a year since i last logged in to both games.

This new PSP is full of different genres of games, but most of the games (i.e. wrestling, mahjong, shooting) doesn't interest me much. However, it is a source of comfort when i need to de-stress, you can easily find me hiding in Starbucks with my favourite "Blackcurrant Raspberry Blended Drink", gaming away to divert my mind away from work during lunch time.

Since the hefty investment has been made, and there are already some scratches at the back. That goes to show that I haven't been shelving it. Hopefully it doesn't become obsolete to me that soon.

Candidacy for politics

No chance for a breather until today, well you see, I'm on 3 days leave! *yeah*

Too little time everyday and yet so much unhappiness.

Strangely how people always keep themselves busy to stop remembering those unpleasant incidents. Isn't this a kind of self-denial behaviour? Maybe it works temporarily, but is it good to shelve those negative feelings, and not address it properly?

Many kind souls out there chosen to swallow their grievousness, so as to avoid any unnecessary conflicts with others, but this accumulated negative emotions will also turn inwards and exploded in within.

Why are we giving in to bullies? Why must the bullies, again and again, taking advantage of our good natured character? Just because we embrace peace and harmony, doesn't mean you have the privilege to drive us up the wall!

Last month was a miserable month at workplace. In fact, I'm still suffering from unreasonable tantrums, unjustifiable behaviours and stares from "someone".

"Someone" is throwing her weight around coz she's on close term with my boss's lieutenant, who is again actually "Nobody". Let's set the record straight, I was on friendly terms with "Somebody" until recently, that's when i decided i could no longer tolerate her inhumane threats and her hostile criticism towards my fellow colleague.

Just because she has found her resting place to rot, and has been surviving on her limited abilities for the last decade, how can she expect people to stall their progression? I had enough of her threats, just because she's a "supervisor", doesn't mean I'm subjected to her nonsense. She wanted me to drop out from a project "bestowed" by the top management, and told me right in the face that if i insist to go ahead, then i cannot take any MC. What a tall order to fulfill!

When being exposed of her deeds, "Someone" offered fanciful explanations to the top management. She came back with her stony black face (think bloated black toad), and has been unhappy with me since then. Stop hiding behind those deceitful lies. Her deeds speak for themselves.

Of course my ill feelings towards her didn't just happen. I have been tolerating and such anger has been accumulating for years. Just 2 days back, she raised her voice to whoever interested to hear, "You on leave AGAIN!!!", damn you lah (I'm not going to mind my language on such LC creature). My fellow colleague can vouch for me that i haven't been going on leave.

I really see no point in working along with her. I'm not going to give in this time, it's just one time too many, why should i be considerate to someone who has been tactless with my feelings?

Chilling out

Met up with LF 2 days ago. This time we went Bugis Junction. Went to Fancl and The FaceShop to stock up on my usual beauty products.

We nearly call off the dinner, because LF wasn't feeling well in the morning. By the time we reached the restaurant for our dinner, we embarked on a mission:- "Fall Sick Campaign", the food we ordered are not "throat friendly", as we gorged on, it became obvious that she accomplished the mission, while i failed miserably (Note: she was on MC the next 2 days).

For some reasons, we always didn't manage to fulfill our wish to take Neo-prints together. Yes, u heard me right, Neo-prints! Relive my Pre-U days, those kawaii neo print stickers, but gosh, i think i misplaced them. Never mind it will come out someday just when i least expected it. (i will be uploading the neo-prints when my scanner is up, i think the cable was somehow detached by my itchy hands)

As usual, we always end our gathering on a high note, and our friendship must be celebrated with our favourite dessert. Each took 3 scoopful of sinful ice cream! I'm an ice queen, gimme anything cold & i will slurp it up instantly! Warning: Do not blow hot and cold at me. I'll bite! *muahaha*

Time just flies when you are in the right company =)

Breathe easy

Hey folks, gotten an sms from TTSH yesterday evening, was informed that my CT throax scan was cleared, and no tumors seen. Three Cheers and Three Cheers and Three Cheers for ME!

Didn't sleep well ever since i know that i need to go through more tests, so many times my faith was shaken. Anyway, i had a good sleep last night.

Received a call from TTSH early this morning, Sister Tan re-confirmed that piece of good news with me. Well i can breathe slightly easy for the time being.

Additional updates:

The very first few hours (on 08/06/2009) after the CT scan. Notice the swell on my left hand (top right), it was painfully unbearable, and i couldn't lift my hand up the very next day, but i got no choice but to continue working.

(Bottom) This was taken 8 days (16-06-09) after the scan. Even as i update this today (21-06-09), the needle hole is still very much visible, and it still hurts abit when i accidentally brush across something hard. Do they have to use such a BIG needle???? *roll eyeballs*

Say Cheese

What is CT scan (Computed Tomography)? It provides an accurate diagnosis of scans of internal organs, bone, soft tissue and blood vessels, also provide greater clarity and reveal more details than regular x-ray exams.

I barely slept last night. Woke up feeling extremely unhappy. How exciting can it be to take a 3D imaging of my upper torso? Said my prayers before making my way down to TTSH.

Prior to the dreadful procedure, I changed into the brown gown given to me. There was a painful prick when the needle was forced into my vein. An intravenous contrast material (colour dye) was used, I have this warm, flushed sensation during the injection of the contrast dye, and a metallic taste formed in my mouth that lasted for a few minutes.

I was lying flat on my back, then slowly and smoothly slided into the X-ray circle, special lights were used to ensure that I'm properly positioned. During the "scanning" session, I heard slight buzzing, clicking and whirring sounds as the CT scanner revolves around me. I was alone in the examination room during the CT scan, the radiologist "safely" kept out from the radiation, could however, see, hear and speak to me in the other room.

I found the procedure stressful, my heart was perpetually in my mouth, firstly I was worried sick about the result findings, and secondly I'm claustrophobic. Mine was a CT thorax (for chest), took only 5 minutes. Will only know the result findings in a couple of days, how am i gonna get through the next few days? Oh my god!

Verdict: CT scan are painless, fast and easy, but probably the need to lie still for several minutes may cause some discomfort. Expensive, cost me $517.80 just to lie on that high technology bed.

Risks:

1) The effective radiation dose from this procedure is about the same as the average person receives from background radiation in three to five years. Super tired after the procedure, must be due to the effect of the radiation.

2) There is always a slight chance of cancer from excessive exposure to radiation. Well, how irony, in the midst of determining any cancerous growth within me, and in exchange the possibility of cancer due to radiation.

Smoke gets in my eyes

Went for my medical consultation yesterday afternoon, my blood glucose level (blood sugar) increased to 9.5, which came as a shock to me, because my usual level is below 6.0. For diabetic patients, blood glucose level ranges between 9.0 to 12.0 .

But my colleague highlighted that since i had Nasi Lemak for lunch (before the check up), the coconut milk content may be the main culprit. Well, I'm praying hard. I remembered drinking Bandung prior to my last consultation, and my blood glucose level also shot above 9.0. For my next consultation on 24/06/2009, Dr Tan arranged a morning appointment, no breakfast before i see her, so that she can have an accurate reading. I do not wish to become diabetic because of my Steroid dosage *cross fingers*

Another rude shock came when her senior consultant suggested a CT scan (Computed Tomography) to re-confirm my illness has no relation to any tumor growth. At that moment, my world came crashing down! Those X-rays, MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging), Mammogram, colon and stomach scope (gastroscope) that i had taken before, doesn't show any growth. If there is "something" growing inside, there will be a further need to test whether is it benign or malignant... ... God, haven't you heard my prayers yet?

Dr Tan's consolation to me is that if it's a cancerous tumor, current medication (that I'm having now) would not have work, and if there is really any tumor presence, it would be very small because it's undetectable on X-rays. As if that helps?

The good news is my Steroid dosage will be reduced further, from 1 tablet (5MG) daily to 3 times per week. Initally i was on 60MG on 01/03/2009, and it took 3 months of gradual reduction to present stage, hopefully i can safely get rid of this poisonous medicine forever.

On my cab journey back to the office, my mind was in a mess. Finally broke down when my colleagues asked me for updates. Life is so meaningless, here i am trying hard to make a honest living, doing nobody any harm, dutifully fulfilling my social roles, and yet my faith and inner strength has been continuously put through tests. There is only so much i can bear with, at times i felt so lonely, although i know i am constantly surrounded by my family and friends who loves me, but i truly felt like a stranded fighter.

The CT scan is scheduled on this coming Monday afternoon (08/06/09). I hope this will be the last procedure, i doubt i can take anymore of such tests.

Smile Baby... SMILE

"Job fit" is a word that has been mouthed frequently since April.

Judging from my character, i shouldn't even be in this service line. I have too much pride, and too little patience. Maybe I should reconsider my options again.

My endurance level undergone trials with the recent few episodes. Clients making unreasonable demands, and recurring fault finding (for the sake of being difficult) sessions which takes forever for them to be appeased, even though the mistakes / unhappiness happened donkey years ago, and was caused by another personnel.

There are also a handful who got "abusive" just to ensure that they dominate the whole conversation / meeting. By raising vocals, slamming fists on table, and pointing finger right to my face, don't they know that it's actually very LC (low class)? Everyone is having that "squeeze-you-dry", "my-loser-life-sucks-so-yours-should-too", or "vent-my-anger-on-you" kind of mentality. It's an agony not being able to match their vocals, and i must constantly remind myself not to distort, or twitch any part of my face to show my displeasure. All service heroes are actually Oscars winners *applaud*

As the global education level rises, we seemed to have lose the "basics". Fair treatment for all human beings, fair dealing for all classes, and basic respect for all races, all left far behind as we progress. So, are we progressing, or already degraded to a class lower than animals?

There is this family of villains, young and old, which i met last Friday. If he is that influential (as he claims) in the first place, there is actually no need to bargain for that petty amount. By quoting me the big players in my organisation, it doesn't scare me, and it doesn't emphasize his importance as well. Which era is he in? We have long passed the generation where pulling strings can get you preferential treatment. WAKE UP!

If you can recall, in Year 2007, in order to boost tourism, our government aim to differential ourselves from neighbouring countries, by placing strong emphasis in delivering superior customer service, we had since then created a pool of demanding and ungrateful local customers.

Warning:- My patience is running low, real low. With all those stress loaded onto me at work, and entertaining nonsensical demands, i will not be swallowing my grievances for long. Watchow!

PPG

Heard an annoying analogy from a new acquaintance. He feels that i possess multi-personalities that's comparable to 3 Powerpuff Girls at one go.

At the back of my mind, i was already super unhappy with that comment, "WHAT? say i cartoon is it?" But i encouraged him to continue as i barely started my main course, which means i still have to endure him for another one hour or so (because I'm slow when it comes to eating).

Oh my... Purr-lease! How can i be suffering from any personality disorder?

For the benefit of those older than me, or my peers:- Blossom has long ginger hair tied with a pink bow. Super bossy, and hence is the leader of the trio. Bubbles has blonde hair in pigtails, in light blue, and is known for being 'the joy and the laughter' of the group. Buttercup wears green, with a silly black bobbed hair, known to be the 'toughest fighter'.

Now who (dares to) agree with him?

Although i would love to have their big eyes, but I'm not at all greedy, cos i do not wish to have a pair of overly sized eyeballs. *evil laugh* [refer to my blog on 28.03.09, that life-sized gargoyle has a pair of fishballs sized eyes]

Sleep deprivation

I am seriously deprived of sleep! Stress level has been all time high since we shifted office. There are so many changes to be adopted, strict guidelines implemented by the management. Anxiety and depression truly falls upon me, and I could hardly breathe...

Working late has also taken a toil on my health, I'm waking up everyday feeling lethargy. The influx of work totally sapped life out of my colleagues, we hardly smile, barely had the time to speak during office hours. All i see are frowning faces.

Why is everything in such a mess? Never did i expect myself to be so unhappy. Are the management aware that morale is at all time low? I definitely understand the urgency to revamp all processes, but did they somehow lose the human touch during this transition? After all, we are human beings, not machines, why do i have this feeling that i am just a production worker in a factory line?

Am i not committed to my work? Despite my unhappiness and weariness, i still reach office early, and stay back till late (after 10pm), just to make sure everything is in order. Well, to my bosses, that's my duty, but think about it, i could really just deliver my work half heartedly too.

I have 2 superiors; one who equates staying back late as being inefficient and lacks time management, while the other simply feels that he/she is extremely hardworking (just like her, my god!).

Perhaps i really need to sit down and seriously ponder through... ...

But where will i go from here?

Eau de Parfum

The word "perfume" derives from "per fumum", meaning "through smoke" in Latin. In Chinese, it's call "Xiang Shui", literally translated to "fragrance water"

I like perfume, but I'm not exactly a fragrance junkie, and neither am i a fragrance abuser. Perfume is a very personal statement. It should be applied in just the right places for proper effect. I did a stock count yesterday, and I'm amazed that my collection of Eau De Parfum is larger than i expected.

This is one of my forgotten collection. "Deep Night" created by Ghost in Year 2001, it was designed in the shape of Luna, supposed to be romantic and fantastic at the same time. When i received this as a gift in Year 2002, i did not like it at all. It developed a smokey-vanilla-peachy scent on my skin. Not bad, but dusty smokey notes are not really my type, hence it remains untouched for the past 7 years.

This represents "the perfume of love". It was a gift from a guy who is 2 years my senior, whom i deliberately lost contact with him, for i cannot tolerate his lifestyle as a frequent clubber. When i open up the box yesterday (after so many years), only did i see a card inside it. Geesh! I guess my MIA answered his question after all. But honestly, i was just too absent minded and overlooked that card.

"Pretty Nina" was a birthday gift from my 2 guy friends (http://www.jayandthelostboys.blogspot.com/) last year. I love it!!! Apple-shaped perfume is one of the frequent designs adopted by Nina Ricci. It has a flowery-citrus scent, smells like the sweetest, and the most delicious red apple on my skin. Very cheerful and uplifting, one of those feel-good, princess-like fragrances. Yummy! Limited edition too!

My latest collection "Ralph" by Ralph Lauren is a floral fruity fragrance for women. The sales lady at the counter claimed it's strawberry, but i thought it smells like green apple. After a couple of sniffing session with a few Ralph fragrances, D1nOnly1 concluded this is the best among them. I thought so too, unable to curb my shopaholic impulse nature, the rest is history. My verdict:- after an hour or so, it smells more-or-less how it should be - sparkling, attractive and delicate.

I'm also a die-hard fan of Gucci fragrances, "Rush 2" and "Envy Me" are my all-time favourites. My cousin bought me those 2 during his overseas trips. "Diamonds" by Emporio Armani was an encouragement gift from him when i was discharged from CGH last September.

Confession time: I have a major weakness for guys who wear proper scent. Catching a whiff of a man's cologne will make me go weak, that usually sums up my first impression of a man. Of course i have a few preferences when it comes to Cologne, most of the time it's those woody aromatic scent that attracts my attention. I'm not kidding when i say i would stop dead in my track whenever a desirable scent pass by me *sheepish grin*

"Polo Black" by Ralph Lauren is one of those. Definitely a fragrance designed for a modern, daring, masculine, and sophisticated man. Interesting enough to make me wanna know more about him.

"Boss Bottled" is also one of my top favourite fragrances by Hugo Boss, and this is one of the classics that has a great masculine character with it, fresh and sharp, refined and elegant.

I heard of this Chinese superstitious "Never to offer perfume as a gift, because the relationship will just fade eventually". Hmm, true?

(01/07/09) Update:- Received a gift from my client, was so embarrassed with her kind gesture. She has given me a bottle of perfume, it's Davidoff's fragrance for women "Cool Water Game". You will catch a sniff of a playful energy in that refreshing fruity scent. Previously a friend of mine also given me Cool Water for Women. So I'm not new to Davidoff fragrance. This is indeed a pleasant surprise to me, for customer servicing is all about giving, and rarely we see such appreciation from clients at all.

C19H28O2

I like the lyrics from the song 'Circus' (by Britney Spears) - "There are 2 types of people in the world, the ones that entertain and the ones that observe". Which one are you? If you operate solely with one, you may have unwittingly offended tons of people along the way. But the worst scenerio will be being oblivious to what you have observed.

I know someone who thinks that he is a great entertainer, but he took on the wrong path, mistaken the role of an entertainer as a clown. Just because someone is popular, he will blindly mimic that particular mannerism or lingo. If a girl gently tuck her hair behind her ears, a coy smile, or a mischievous wink, that bound to set anyone's heart fluttering. Imagine a 40 year old grown up man doing that?

Don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly fine with any man or woman lacking the right balance of testosterone (the sex hormone, formula C19H28O2), but i cannot tolerate a man deliberately behaving like a whine-ly teenage girl. Yes, it works initially, and people laugh along with you. Once their patience depleted, they laugh AT you! In this instance, he noticed the change in others' attitude, however he still plough on acting "cute", praying hard that people will fall for the same childish act once again.

Reminds me of another song by Britney Spears "I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman". He is a man, much more girlish than me, but just not with the proper built in. Let's hope he leaves me alone, my fiery temper is not to be tested in such manner.

Fact time: testosterone affects the entire body, often by enlarging size, hence men have bigger hearts, lungs, liver, etc... The result of different testosterone levels:- A clear difference is the size of the male human brain is, on average, larger than females. Yes ladies, that is a fact, but brain size doesn't equate to brain power *evil laugh*

While i was sleeping... ...

Today, I was due for my colon and stomach scope (gastroscope) in TTSH. Medical term refers to colonoscopy and esophagogastroduodenoscopy respectively.

Endoscopy refers to exploring the internal body, using an instrument called an endoscope. It is a medical procedure that is used to assess the interior surfaces of an organ by inserting a tube into the body. The main risks are bleeding and perforation, rarely resulting in death.

Prior the procedure (on 12/04/09), dinner must consumed by 6pm, to start drinking laxative solution from 6:15pm, and to be finished by 9:15pm. I nearly died of hunger and spent most of the time rushing back and forth to the washroom. Today, while waiting for my turn in the ward, i took the chance to interview a nurse, and was informed that gastroscope will take around 5mins, while colonscopy will take approximately 20-30mins, depending on how "curly" (i'm quoting her) the intestines are.

When they finally pushed me into the operation theatre, something was sprayed into my mouth to numb my throat, *yucky yucks* it's extremely bitter and prickling inside the back of my mouth, and i had to swallow that! One of them inserted an oxygen tube at my edge of my nostrils, then made me lie on my left side, next a mouth-guard is placed between my teeth to prevent me from biting on the endoscope. The last i recalled was my doctor administering sedation.

So when i woke up, I absolutely have no recollection of any tubes being inserted into me, nor any feelings of being "tickled" from inside. I couldn't bring in my handphone, and hence i have no idea how much time i spent in there, or how long i had slept, trust me i would video it down if i have the very chance. Was a bit groggy when my dad fetched me.

But hey, my results are good! No abnormal growth in there. Verdict: The procedures are virtually painless, but it's the wait that is torturous. I was given the pictures of my "insides", but since my lear prefers not to see it, i shall save it for my own viewings. But honestly, it's like a pink playground slide.

Another punctured hole i have on my left hand. Just when i was busy typing this out, the nurse from TTSH called to check on me, so nice of her to make sure that I'm not having any implications (although I'm feeling bloated, but that is considered normal after the colonscopy). For that wound, I shall reward myself tomorrow with retail therapy.

New beginning, or not?

My very first working day in the new office. Was early today, as i expected there will be tons of work waiting to be cleared. Busy busy day!

Paparazzi (aka me) at work. D1nOnly1 camera shy wor (my neighbour aka colleague, he personally requested to be named that de).

Lunch time is equivalent to hell time. Where did all these people come from? Hell? *evil laugh* CBD is so packed, and i barely have a chance to manoeuver around. I'm seriously considering to just bring bread from home, but i really dread being stuck in midair (my office at 14th floor) for 9.5 hours. The thought of hanging off land (for such a long time) makes my feet numb and increases my anxiety further, i can't be just tracing my path to either the pantry and washroom right? Furthermore, my mummy will just bury me six feet under if i dare to eat bread for lunch.

Anyway, my first day in CBD and i already lost my handphone (Watsons at Hitachi Tower). It was raining cats and dogs, so me and D1nOnly1 went in to buy umbrella. While doing QC, i left my belongings (pouch, staff pass & handphone) on the rack. Contented with the pink brolly's condition, i just took off with my stuff (without my handphone).

Have to admit it was due to my carelessness, but i hurried back within 5mins and it was already gone. Every staff in the shop denied seeing it. D1nOnly1 tried calling my line but no one picked up the call. *sObz* That was my favourite handphone (Samsung Ultra Slim slider phone), although it's not much of a gadget but it served me faithfully for 2 years 2 months and 5 days.

Right after work, unhappily went down to M1 shop (Bugis) and purchase a new handphone, Samsung F480 (touch screen phone). It's in coral pink, although it's not the latest model, but that design caught my attention last year, and it's thankfully just slightly above 100 gram. Yes, I'm a big fan of Samsung. I have a wide variety at home, TV, Mp3, camera, etc...

I miss my old phone of course, but where is it now? Come back to mama... ...

Vandalism

Was on my way home last Friday night, after a long day of unpacking my belongings in the new office.

Saw this graffiti beside the staircase which i have been using for the past 24 years. My goodness! Take a good look at it, i was fuming mad when i saw this ugly writing, but i was also trying hard not to laugh out loud.

Hell-o-no! This fella doesn't even know how to spell at all. It's "beach", then carefully overwrite as "beech", then finally corrected it as "bitch".

I had to control my urge of whipping out my red lipstick (for emergency touch up) to do a huge cross beside it. That red cross in the picture was digitally added in by myself, i didn't do any unlawful act of vandalism ok!

To the Ah Bengs and Ah Lians who did this, or who consistently defaced public properties with your ugly handwritings and drawings, please sign up for Elementary Spelling class or Pre-schooler art class.

Did it ever cross your mind that you are a bad influence towards the toddlers attending the kindergarten 2 blocks behind? Or rather, you are not even fit to be in the same league as those young promising toddlers!

How dare you to demonstrate such horrendous calligraphy, and with such shameless audacity to display your disability? *tsk* Wanna act cool but landed up looking silly and un-educated. Such behaviour shouldn't be tolerated, and you should be dipped in those permanent red paint from head-to-toe. So much for those rebellious acts and constant lamenting about adults not understanding you adolescents, do you think you still have the right to demand for more respect?

Anyway, to lighten things up, this could be the possible scenario:

Setting: Thursday
Time: Nearing midnight
Location: Void deck, at the staircase.
Characters: 2 Ah Bengs (A and B) and 1 Ah Lian.

A: Oi! See what i write
B: Walau eh, not beach lah!
A: Then what?
B: Beech lah!
A: Dun look like leh... ...
B: Korrect lah!
A: Better check with Ah Lian, her enga-lish better than us, she got D7 sia.
B: Wa, li hai ah
A: (on the phone with Ah Lian) Lian ah, how you spelling "Beach" ah?
A: (to B) salah liao lah.

The End

The relocation of my office started today on 3rd April' 2009, officially ended my 2.75 years in this old office premises. It wasn't exactly the most fantastic kind of office you would love to have, but it was strategically situated in the bustling city, where there are plenty of sources for food and retail therapy.

I remembered how i used to hate this place. Back then in Year 2005, i was transiting between 2 offices every quarterly. Then in Year 2006, my present boss decided to permanently place me in this "loathsome" place, which was actually a good move for me too, as i was dying for a fresh start.

Now that we're shifting back to the Headquarters, which we only managed to hatch this plan after more than a year, I'm not sure if i really will like this new environment. I hate crowds! Sharing floor area with another department, sharing lifts with the rest of the building, and the thought of the lunch time crowd is enough to scare the hell out of me.

Yes, I'm Enochlophobia (fear of crowds), Claustrophobia (fear of enclosed spaces), Nyctophobia (fear of darkness), and also Acrophobia (fear of heights). Once inside a lift, i will experience breathlessness, dizziness, feeling sick, heart palpitations, or an anxiety attack, varies according to the length of the ride. I shudder at the very thought of a lift breakdown *shrill scream*

All right, let's not go any further with my endless list of phobia(s). Anyway, i kept having funny thoughts crossing my mind today, such as "this is the last time i will take this escalator to work", "this is the last time i will cross this bridge back to office"... I'm thankful that i didn't get too emotional when i was leaving the office. Or rather, i was too busy taking tab of my belongings, that i forgot to bade a proper farewell . Come to think of it, i didn't even take one last look! *sObz sObz*

That was the place where i battled ferociously till late at night (alone, or with my ally), a place that i yearned to go back when i was away, a place that marked my victorious moments, and my upsetting downfalls, a place that witnessed my happiness and my sadness. Sayonara to those paths that bore my footprints, Bye to all whom we met in the corridors but never share a word *wave*

Acrimonious attack

Today, I'm gonna talk about Sore Loser!

First, let's define what is a "Sore Loser". This is someone who loses in a fair competition but whines about it on a constant basis, blaming everyone around them for their loss except themselves.

I was confronted by one ugly loser that looks like a life-sized gargoyle, who siphoned all the pent up frustrations on me, and evil enough to cast me a curse.

How dare you?

Before you dare point your dirty, disgustingly flabby finger at me, why don't you question yourself first?

Ask yourself!


What!


Are you actually as stupid as you looked?

If you are a worthy opponent, you wouldn't magnified your loss at the expense of hurting others.

If you are as significant as you self-proclaimed, how come nobody realised that?

If you are that indispensable, how come you are so unwelcome?

If you are so self-conscious, why so painfully blind to your own flaws?

If you are as righteous as you so unashamedly portrays, why act docile when there is a chance to voice out?

If you are so good at feigning magnanimous, what's up with all these petty miserable acts?

If you are ugly, be it externally or internally, no point pretending otherwise.

Re-evaluation is what you really need, because your self assessment clearly failed!

Pie R Squared = 3.14

Distribution of Pie. Every year we have to go through this ordeal over and over again. It is fair? That is the question we always have in our mind. Of course who wouldn't want to sink their teeth into that tantalising pie, and take the biggest bite as well. (if you still can't fathom what I'm discussing right now, you may be too young).

Every year we see ugly faces with sharp talons. You can spot the difference in attitude almost immediately. Why so? Is that the devil within us? Are you ignorant enough not to notice that jealous streak in you? Or will you be so engulf in anger that you allow yourself to wallow in defeat?

Step aside my friends. Somehow we tend to see better when we're not "so" involved? That reminds me of Sociology - Covert Observation being carried out without the explicit awareness, and agreement of the social unit being studied.

I'm no saint either, i do have infernal struggles between my prejudices and sanes. Being level headed (at least for now) allows me to try to make the best out of any worst situation. I mean, what can be worse when you already expected the worst? Always expect the best from yourself, and be gracious to others, but most of the time, we become a habitual fault finder. Honestly, i have yet to perfect that, but I'm trying my very best...

Since last year, each and everyone of us geared ourselves up for the possibilities of pay cut, or even retrenchment for the next 2 years. Just last week, MM Lee predicted that Singapore will, at best, take "two to three years" to recover from the crisis. At the worst, four to six years. Set your mentality right!

Few years back in Year 2007, when i had my first career setback, disappointment was an understatement. Being young and reckless, all sorts of unhealthy ideas came for a visit, my mentor (not MM Lee of course) encouraged me with the following "it's a race, you cannot win it all, elimination is unavoidable, have faith, work hard, believe that the day will come, and you will be a champion." (Hmm, not word for word lah, but the main idea is still there).

Momentarily stymied, what went through my mind at that time was "yeah right!". But yeah! He is (still) right! Progression can only happen when you learn how to pick up the pieces, only then you can move on (wholly) to a brand new level. Aim to move on!

I'm extremely thankful towards my mentor, and many of my friends who had seen me through that difficult period, and the current ordeal. You know who you are. No matter what's gonna happen, always be thankful and grateful, take time to say your prayers as well, cause you never know when the Great Divine will give you their blessings.

I hate it!

My hospitalisation leave ends today, and i was actually looking forward to go back to work tomorrow (Yes, you heard me right, and I'm perfectly sound in the mind). But last night, i started having fever, kept vomiting and having stomach runs after 11pm, was practically up the whole night, rushing in and out of the washroom. Thanks buddy for replying my sms at 4am ya! (You're always awake at those weird timings huh =))

Doctor diagnosed that it's actually food poisoning, and not stomach flu. He wanted to give me 2 days MC, but i insisted on resuming work tomorrow, as long as i stop having fever, no vomiting and diarrhoea, i should be fine by tomorrow.

My colleague also suffering from food poisoning as well, luckily he has no fever, but his comes with flu and sore throat. Strangely his doctor told him to avoid meat for the next few days. huh? I thought just to drink more water to avoid dehydration. In any case, who has the mood to eat?

Also, previously on 12 March, my right cheek was so swollen (that my right earlobe actually went a few inch higher than my left), my doctor told me it was Mumps (swelling of the salivary glands). The explanation offered to me is that my immune system is extremely sensitive, and since I'm on steroid, that medicine will reduce my immune system's sensitivity, but at the same time lower it's responsiveness towards common ailments. *siGh* So depressing to know of such complications.

Anyway, I slept the whole day away, and only managed to swallow a few mouthful of plain porridge. My stomach still feels bloated, like a goldfish. Time for me to sleep now, as i intend to reach office early tomorrow, to clear my emails and do some updating of work. Sweet dreams =)

23.03.09

Yesterday, i bravely ventured out alone to TTSH, i was due for my eye checkup (yes, it affected my eyes this time) in the afternoon. For this expedition, i did my homework (on the Internet of course) to check out the exact location, which direction to head over to, which bus stop to board on and alight from, etc... My parents thought i was crazy, they could have easily drove me over in just 20 mins, but hey I'm an adventurous girl! Surely i can handle a bit of exploring right?

All right, i see some (ok! a lot of) raised eyebrows. Occasionally, I'm muddle headed enough to lose my way in this small island. MRT interchange like Dhoby Ghaut and Outram Park still daunts me a little, but I'm still navigating my way all right what! Just give me some time allowance, and I'll reach there eventually.

Ok, let's not digress further. I found my way to TTSH without any hindrance, safe and sound (so proud of myself), and was early for my appointment. Dr Karen Chia was very satisfied with my recovery, and it will be sometime before i get to see her.

I was supposed to meet my friend, LF, at 5pm, and since I still have time, i headed straight down to Marina Square for a hair trim, it's been almost 3 months since my last visit in Dec'08. Felt oddly satisfying to see my hairstylist pruning away those untamed locks. By the time I'm done, i was running late. Gosh! You should have seen her face when i finally arrived fashionably late (almost) an hour later. (LF my dear, I'm sorry ya? But it's really the stupid MRT at Tanah Merah (towards Changi Airport) refused to open up).

We went shopping in Changi Airport Terminal 3, bought some hair accessories, candies, and LF bought me a Good Luck Bear, which is my all-time favourite since young, he is green and his tummy symbol is a four leaf clover with heart shaped petals. For background knowledge, Care Bears was officially introduced in 1982, their "tummy symbols" (as they were originally called) are referred to as "belly badges".

Went over to Earle Swenson for dinner. As I'm still on a very strict dietary intake, hence i have limited options from their menu. Their bread bowl was overly toasted, but the Cream of Chicken soup was surprisingly pleasant and light, and the Chicken Frank Sausage Hotdog was not too bad, LF's medium raw Sirloin steak was nicely done as well. The ambience is good, so if you are looking for a quiet place to do some catching up with friends, do give this place a try. However, a piece of advise, do not expect a huge variety in their menu.

My very first public appearance (haha) after 3 months of hibernation. Nothing special about the Banana Split ice cream. (Pssst! come closer) I'm not supposed to eat that, but who can resist it? Any food that is sinful tastes real good! Yeah!

This is for LF... Amazingly we click like old pals when we first met in Year 2003 (those were the days sia). Those overtime hours in the Credit Card department, plenty of fun with our KTV sessions, shopping and food expeditions, mostly nonsense during our outings, but i truly appreciate and treasures our friendship. Despite you being younger & full of life, don't so fierce to me can? My poor heart is not so strong de hor.

Can parallel lines meet?

Ok, i need to confess, i actually text my buddy to confirm that parallel lines does not meet. However, he did mention there is an argument that parallel lines does meet at infinity.

Mathematically, parallel lines remain the same distance apart over their entire length (called "equidistant"). No matter how far you extend them, they will never meet. Parallel lines will always point in the same direction.

Ain't it sad? My view of a healthy relationship is just like a set of parallel lines, someone always close beside me, and yet able to let me maintain my individuality. I envy the chemistry between a couple, where a lot of unspoken words, faith, and trust are being communicated through actions, or just a look of eyes. But the question here is, is that really a healthy insight of love? Key point: Parallel lines never converging or diverging, they simply never meet! Even if they do meet (based on non-Euclidean geometries), it's at infinity. How irony!

Here's another question for you, "do you love having your partner around you, or do you love him/her?". Well, at inital stages most likely it's the latter, but as time goes by, will it still be ceteris paribus? I'm not saying that all relationships will fall into that vicious cycle, but sometimes Love can easily become a false front for convenience sake.

Of course we do see plenty of virtuous cycle (happy ending) as well. There is, however, a possibility that a virtuous cycle can transform into a vicious one. In short, both cycles are complexes of events with no tendency towards equilibrium (at least in the short run). Hmm, how can you blame me for being pessimistic right?

Sagittarius women speak their minds, as the truth tellers of the zodiac. I'm a true blue Sagittarius, the ultimate bachelor sign, so don't assume things will lead naturally to the alter. I do have my fair share of unpleasant datings, either too possessive, indecisive, characters mismatched, or simply loves to take people for granted.

Talking about star signs, I have been following Susan Miller's Astrology Zone since i was 18 years old. I'm a great fan of hers, and she makes Astrology easy to understand. If you do have some interest in finding out the ancient science of interpreting what influence the movements of the planets, stars and other heavenly bodies that may have on our lives, or rather, just to find out more about your monthly forecast, do give this website a try. http://www.astrologyzone.com/

Blood curling incidents

This is especially for my lear...

Let me share with you my horrifying 3 weeks stay in CGH. I was admitted to CGH on 23rd August 2008, it was close to midnight on a Saturday. Mine was a single bedded ward, and routinely there will be a doctor doing rounds for those newly admitted. However, the very first misfit who attended to me, was a lady intern from NUS instead (judging from the NUS student card hanging from her neck).

There was a need to put me on drip, mainly to eliminate the 2 bacteria in my blood, and also because i didn't consume food for the past 1 week. This was the first time in my entire life being put on a drip, boy was i terrified, however her shaky fingers and sweaty palms did nothing to calm my nerves. The pain was so unbearable, and immediately i went into a seizure, my whole body went into a state of involuntary contraction of muscles

Only at the 3rd attempt, did she manage to locate my vein for that "plug". My dear friends, 3 different spots being pricked, and she wasn't exactly the gentle type (if you know what i mean). This Misfit No.1 got the cheek to shoo my mum out of the ward, so that she can concentrate *roll eyeballs*. My pillowcase was actually stained with blood, resulting from the injection and withdrawal of needles. Makes me wonder if my blood transfusion on 28th August was a resultant of this.

I clearly remembered Misfit No.2, he is a young gentleman, also another medical intern. He came alone, armed with his tool box (gloves, cotton balls, needles, test tubes, plasters... etc), and after taking a few test tubes of blood samples from me, he actually earnestly apologized "erm... Sorry for keep taking your blood...". I could only picture a vampire thanking his victim for a hearty meal.

Just when i thought i could seal my blood permanently in me (at least for the next 24 hours), came another 2 Misfits. Yes, 2 ladies (interns again!!!), for companionship to boost confidence i guess. Misfit No.3 was actually there to guide Misfit No.4!!!!

Conversation transpired between them, as if i was unconscious...

Misfit No.3: it's ok, don't worry (Hey, she's not talking to me!!!)
Misfit No.3: ok, try to locate her veins. If cannot, tie her arm (means to clog the blood flow) and get her to pump (means to flex my fists). (i hear thunder, i hear thunder)
Misfit No. 4: erm, this one can? (i must have missed a heartbeat)
Misfit No.3: go ahead

Gosh! I regretted not taking pictures of my bruises, both my arms were full of "blue black" and needle holes. There was this particular nasty one on my left (near the arm joint), that spot was clogged and harden with blood, and was officially announced "spoilt" by a doctor on the day of my discharged. "Thanks ya" Misfit No.1!

Why me?

Within 6 months, i was admitted twice to CGH (August' 08), and TTSH (February'09) respectively.

I was recently diagnosed with a rare autoimmune system malfunctioning. It is not contagious - not even blood to blood. Initial stages are mostly mis-diagnosed by General Practitioner. The warning signals that my body has been sending out, which i sadly ignored, are common symptoms.

Our immune system produces antibodies that normally attack hostile viruses and bacteria in an effort to keep us healthy. For my case, however, the immune system mistakenly perceives the cells in skin as foreign, and attacks them. Antibodies that attack one's own cells are called autoantibodies.

Definitive statistics on the incidence and prevalence are not available, but estimates of the number of new cases diagnosed each year ranges from as high as 5 per one hundred thousand to as low as one per million. So why me? My (very gentle) lady doctor told me there is a good chance of eliminating these autoantibodies when my body decided to just get rid of it one fine day... My good god! Let it come soon.

One day you feel perfectly healthy, the next day you learn you have a chronic, life-threatening illness. Why me?

There are times when i feel wonderful, and other times i felt discouraged, in pain, or depressed! It can be very debilitating, and cause lost time at work, loss of appetite, inability to eat normally, weight loss, loss of sleep, hospitalization, emotional distress, etc. Fortunately, this usually occurs with the onset of the disease, during the search for a correct diagnosis and proper treatment. Once effective treatment is initiated, and conditions are under control, it will be undetectable when it is in remission, i should be able to return to my normal lifestyle.

I am now under medication of course, commonly known as Steriod (medical drug name: Prednisolone). Once controlled, the steroid is reduced slowly to minimize side effects (gd news is they already cut my dosage. Yeah!). Some patients then go into remission; however, many patients need a small maintenance dose to keep the disease under control. Potential side effects are weight gain, loss of bone density, loss of hair, headaches, nausea, stomachaches, high blood pressure, high blood sugar and stroke. Patients on these medications must have blood monitored on a regular basis to be aware of possible serious side effects. Why me?

This is what i'm gonna look like in the coming near future. Of course my face has been round (that's why I'm NiAn yuAn yuAn aka Chubby Face) since young, the lack of hair needs no further explainations.

Also for once, I am properly diagnosed with "Beta Thalassemia" trait (地中海贫血症), with iron deficiency. CGH didn't bother to further confirm if i'm a Beta Thlm, and just conveniently assumed that i am severely anemic, and assumed for the worst that i could be suffering from internal bleeding, or worst, tumor related illness.

If you wanna know more about Beta Thlm, this is something i found easy to comprehend
http://www.thalassemia.org/updates/pdf/Beta_Thalassemia.pdf

Further understand from my doctor in TTSH, it doesn't pose any significant problem with my daily activities and well being, however the only implication possible will only arise if i marry another Beta Thlm, then our offspring will be a severe case of anemic. (Sheesh, my buddy told me that when i was hosptalised in CGH last year August, and he is awfully right on this!)

That's another criteria to add into my "Mr Right" checklist, so whoever you are, "My dear, no Beta Thlm ok?" *gRin*

Crazy Over... ...

Guess what? I'm so into a new beauty brand "Benefit". It's not exactly a new line, but it was only officially launched last year in Singapore.

I bought my very first item last month before Valentine's Day, its a cream to powder foundation, and awesomely named as "some kind-a gorgeous - the foundation faker". The packaging is so darn cute. There are only 2 tones, either deep or fair (light to medium), and i landed up with the latter. Frankly though, i think the foundation doesn't really compliment my skin tone, but still i can make do with it (coz it's cute!!!). Maybe I'm more used to powder foundation, so i still need to practice practice practice.

I simply love the way they named their products, "hello flawless!", "miss popularity", "realness of concealness", "touch me then try to leave"... Such creativity. Now I'm going gaga over their eye bright pencil and a blusher... but hold it! I shall just put it under my wish list, imagine paying SGD $60 for a blusher in times like this....

Make-up is such a messy affair, but now it comes with a fun twist to it. However, the rule of the thumb is always "less is more", the less you put on, the younger you will look.

But hey! It's funny that i always landed up looking as "less is nothing". I hate it when i take pride to "paint" my face in the morning, and then hear remarks like "you sure you got make up meh?". Oh geesh! One such remark is enough to kill my mood for the rest of the week, fine! i go "nude" (on the face) then, and i really take only 5 mins for that. *applauds*

But my new resolution for Year 2009 is to remember to slap on sunblock and moisturizer. I'm always too lazy for that, and although it could be too late to start that regime (supposed to start in my early twenties), let's hope i can save it in time.

(01/05/09) Update:- I'm back to my usual Lancome 2-way foundation. I just didn't have enough willpower to continue with it (no, i don't hate it), i just grown out of liking it. Dislike doesn't equate to hate.

What a Start....

A sudden inspiration to start something new today. So while i was surfing the net for some quirky ideas, i came across a blog, i thought "why not", and hence here goes...

For those who know me, I'm an expressive and animated person. Having said that, i still wonder if i should be true to myself, or just try to act "goody" in this virtual network.

Since August 08 till now, with 2 episodes of hospitalisation, i have been fighting in all aspects (emotionally, physically, mentally and psychologically), and it terrifies me to see myself in a brand new perspective. I am weak, be it in flesh or in mind. Put togther all the tears i shed for the past 8 months, i can only think of Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me A River".